IT HAS been incredibly sad watching Brendan Fevola's life unravel. For his estranged wife Alex and his mum Karen, it is impossible to imagine their distress at the public scrutiny of his demise.

Both Alex and Karen recently appeared on Channel 7's Sunday program, where they shared the view that the "culture" of AFL football had created a "monster" out of Fevola. While I feel enormous sympathy for everyone close to Fev, to lay blame on the system that has provided everything it can to help save him is an all-too-familiar cop-out.

Nearly 800 young men from a vast array of upbringings and backgrounds come together under the banner of "AFL footballers". Like Brendan Fevola, many of them are drafted to clubs at the youthful age of 17 and are already contending with serious life issues.

Many success stories remain untold, hidden behind the clubs' great track record of developing troubled young men into future leaders. It is far from a perfect system, but football saves a lot more young men than it loses.

Football clubs have long been accused of a turning a blind eye to a drinking culture and, in recent times, to illicit drugs. My experience is exactly the opposite. Of course when you bring any cross-section of the community together, particularly young men, some are always going to muck up regardless of the circumstances.

AFL players on an annual basis receive drug and alcohol education, attend courses on respect and responsibility, and often find themselves being mentored by some of the best leaders in the country.

On top of that, the players have agreed to subject themselves to a more stringent drug-testing regime than in any other code and to enforce a standard of behaviour among themselves that a group of Buddhist monks would find a challenge to uphold.

Just ask 20-year-old Hamish Hartlett from Port Adelaide, who was recently fined $2500 for having a few drinks.  Or Brent Maloney, who was stripped of the club's vice-captaincy for indulging in a few too many drinks on a Sunday night following Melbourne's first win of the season, something his mates from school probably do every weekend.

All of the formative years of my life were spent immersed in the culture of AFL football. It was brilliant, enjoyable and life-changing in so many positive ways. How can you not benefit from the lessons of discipline, good leadership, working in an elite team environment and being constantly challenged and guided to improve yourself?

Scott Wynd was already a Brownlow medallist and club captain the first time I shook his hand as a 17-year-old. Looking back now, I really appreciate the influence he had over me as a young footballer wanting to make the grade as well as the example he set in establishing himself in business outside of the game.

It is the friendships forged through football that hold a lot of us in good stead. You can expect a quick-fire text message from a number of former teammates if you begin to get carried away with yourself - and you can equally expect support when it’s needed.

As for Fev, I always felt that the example of Chris Judd or Jonathan Brown would eventually help him down the right path as he matured. Unfortunately, it seems the penny has never dropped.

Reading some of the recent opinion pieces on AFL culture, you could be excused for imagining that life as an AFL footballer is like spending a week at Hugh Hefner's Playboy mansion.

In fact, the weekly routine of the modern player is more akin to a retreat at The Golden Door. Many players' schedules include meditation, yoga, pilates and life coaching. Clubs worked out a long time ago that the more balanced its players are as people, the greater their output on field, and subsequently provided such resources to support them.

Perhaps I agree with Fev's family's view that clubs have been a little to quick to make players' off-field problems disappear without holding them to account. That said, I have always believed that you can never give someone too many chances to get themselves right.

Collingwood recently stepped in to help former player Chris Egan from going to jail over several thousand dollars' worth of unpaid traffic fines. The Spirit of Carlton, formed by Carlton's past-player group, has helped many of its mates who have fallen on hard times.

Australian culture seems increasingly willing to blame others for problems we create ourselves. The football community will continue to puts its hand out, as it should, to help save Brendan Fevola. The hard message for Fev and his family is that the only person who can really help him is himself.

The views in this article are that of the author and not necessarily those of the AFL or the clubs