| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | you've been wondering why Brent Reilly has sat on 199 games for five weeks... | …the answer is Brodie Smith, who can seriously play. |
| Brisbane Lions | we've dished it out to the Lions this year, and it's fair to say we haven't missed them... | ...it is right that on the back of two really nice wins that we say, "well done". |
| Carlton | you assess this club's run home... | ...Mick's 700th coming on the weekend to celebrate the Blues' 150th birthday may be its only celebration of substance for a while. Plays the top nine teams in final 11 games. Ouch. |
| Collingwood | you blame Paul Roos or the umpires for all of Monday's eyesore... | ...don't forget to add the Pies players. Are a class above and should've had Melbourne buried by half time. |
| Essendon | you issue yet more breathtaking "we love James" propaganda to members saying it would be an "unlikely event" that your players would receive show-cause notices... | …about three hours later your players receive show cause notices, how silly do you look? Very, but that's no longer a surprise to us. |
| Fremantle | Colin Sylvia was expecting to walk into a flag contender and do it his way from day one... | ...he's finally got the reality check he needed about six years ago. Ross is boss. |
| Geelong | the Cats had money for Heath Shaw when he was available last year, and with at least one more gun to exit at the end of 2014... | ...there will be cash for a key forward in the next exchange period. |
| Gold Coast | you want a roughie for your footy tips this weekend... | ...make it the Suns to knock off the Eagles in Perth. |
| Greater Western Sydney | fans aren't going to rock up to Essendon v Giants... | ...they're not going to rock up to any game. Does anyone care up there? |
| Hawthorn | the Hawks could just lose a game this year… | …maybe we might see a darker side of the too-nice Brendon Bolton. Doubt it, because he is said to be a ripping bloke, but it would be fun to see, don’t you think? |
| Melbourne | James Frawley is going to the Hawks... | ...they will stamp themselves as the best recruiting team of the modern era. Would be an extraordinary get after losing Buddy. |
| North Melbourne | our gut feel is right... | ...Shaun Atley is about to launch himself right into the game's elite. |
| Port Adelaide | the Power breeze into Sydney and come away with the points... | ...the premiership betting markets might finally reflect the ladder. |
| Richmond | you're the CEO of a team which is 3-8... | ...should you be heading off to the soccer World Cup for 10 days? Nup. |
| St Kilda | the Western Bulldogs are copping it for being irrelevant... | ...the Saints can’t be too far behind. Yes, it's harsh. But something has to happen soon. |
| Sydney Swans | Buddy Franklin committed that bump back in round six (pre-Viney)... | ...he gets a week, minimum. It's just about a free-for-all on an opponent's head, post-Viney. |
| West Coast | you wanted one more thing for which to admire Darren Glass, on top of three B&Fs, a premiership and All Australian captaincy among four All Australian nominations... | ...add the fact he he put his team ahead of a farewell game. |
| Western Bulldogs | the Dogs showed as much fight on the field as their president off it... | ...they wouldn't be in this position on the ladder. |
Click here for more Sliding Doors
Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
