| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | someone is overdue to rip a game apart ... | it is Big Tex. Really want to see it happen. But there’s no greater task for a key forward in 2015 than a match against a team boasting Alex Rance. |
| Brisbane Lions | anyone knows if the Lions are still in the comp ... | ... can they give us a yell? And before you smash us with the usual woe-is-us rants, please realise we have a big soft spot for this club, and desperately want it to actually stand for something. Anything. Like it once did. |
| Carlton | you’re Chris Yarran ... | ... you’re outta there. And if you’re Carlton, you’re getting him outta there. |
| Collingwood | six losses in a row isn’t a crisis ... | ... seven would be. |
| Essendon | we know one thing about Neale Daniher ... | ... it is that he calls it the way he sees it every single time. Which, given he will be a consultant on the Bombers’ football department review, will mean seriously tough questions are asked of those in the main positions. |
| Fremantle | you’ve watched closely ... | ... you’ll have noticed a certain 33-year-old has returned to some very nice form in recent weeks. Don’t ever write Pav off. |
| Geelong | you’re that concerned about your club running through a banner with the opposition team for this weekend’s match ... | ... ask yourself why it really bothers you. It shouldn’t. |
| Gold Coast | you’ve meandered your way through five years in the AFL and yet the really big offers come on a weekly basis ... | ... you’re very fortunate. Charlie Dixon laughing at everyone right now. |
| Greater Western Sydney | Leon Cameron hasn’t bought Mark Evans a really nice bottle of red ... | ...he should. Escaped with another of Evans’ soaking-wet lettuce leaf sanctions, when he should have copped a hefty one. Approaching an umpire within-game is a very bad look. Twice is embarrassing. And the AFL preaches to parents not to do it at kids’ footy. |
| Hawthorn | the Hawks lose to West Coast ... | ... it won’t be a surprise to us. Nowhere near as convinced as others that the premiership is theirs. |
| Melbourne | you’d forgotten ... | ... we will remind you. Bernie Vince won a best and fairest in a hot Crows team. Coming off serious off-season shoulder surgery, his form this year is one of the really good stories of ’15. |
| North Melbourne | at the start of the year you were told that a guy who was drafted in 2007 and who had managed just 39 matches would, by August, have received multiple offers of $500,000-plus per year to play elsewhere ... | ... you would have been rolling round in laughter. Well played, Robbie Tarrant. |
| Port Adelaide | Gray is following up his breakout year of 2014 with a nearly-but-not-quite-as-good 2015 and if Wingard has put together an extraordinary eight weeks ... | ... we shake our heads, again, at this team’s poor form to this point. |
| Richmond | there’s a more important player to his team right now than Lids is to Richmond ... | ... well, there isn’t. If he maintains his recent form, nothing is impossible for this club. |
| St Kilda | we thought a player was going nowhere only a few seasons ago ... | it was David Armitage. Has turned things around magnificently, had fun while doing it and duly rewarded with a nice contract. |
| Sydney Swans | Hannebery played for a Melbourne-based club ... | ... he’d be a megastar. Will one day be one anyway.. |
| West Coast | you’re not yet familiar with the worth of Callum Sinclair ... | ... wake up. |
| Western Bulldogs | Lachie Hunter hadn’t copped the tough love treatment early this year ... | ... would he be playing the footy he is now? Maybe, but probably not. Well done to player. Well done to club. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
