| If | you're an expert in anatomy (we're not, but we googled a few things and asked around) ... | then | ... you'll know the appendix in a human body has no known function. Except as a cause of distress for gun Crows players in 2017, and stress for their coach who is plotting a Grand Final path. |
| If | your team finishes last and you make the Virgin Australia All Australian team ... | then | ... a massive well done to Dayne Zorko. |
| If | your team finishes third last and you make the All Australian team ... | then | ... a massive well done to Sam Docherty. |
| If | your team finishes 13th, after 12th place last year, and 11th and eighth before that ... | then | ... you're extremely lucky to win a two-year extension as coach. And you're going to need a gun key backman if you're to get near finals in 2018. |
| If | Hooker and Hurley are fit ... | then | ... the elimination final at the SCG is very winnable. |
| If | you miss two years of football and then six weeks after your return your team rules you out of a WAFL finals campaign ... | then | ... our eyebrows are raised. As they so often are with matters relating to Harley Bennell. |
| If | you're Joel Selwood and you've just been named an All Australian for a sixth time ... | then | ... we're scratching our head as to why you're not named captain for a fourth time. Yes, we're aware Joel's inclusion this year was via the interchange. But so what? |
| If | we were in charge of the Suns ... | then | ... we'd be saying this to Gary Ablett: "Gaz, we'll let you go to the Cats, provided they pay for your full wage, and that they also arrange for us to receive a $400,000 player for whom they will also pay for.' It'll happen, but negotiations are going to get downright ugly. |
| If | we were adamant last week Stevie J plays every time he's able ... | then | ... we're wavering this week. But we're still backing him in to produce some trademark magic in the next month. |
| If | we think we know Clarko ... | then | ... he wasn't at all worried about missing finals. Knew he couldn't do any real damage even if he got there, more than proved a point after a disastrous opening six rounds, players get the long break. Look out 2018. |
| If | you type "sporting disaster' into a search engine ... | then | ... the round 23 Demons team pops up first. It's going to be a loooong off-season. |
| If | you sometimes win when you lose ... | then | ... that's North this week. But not by design. Went to irresponsible financial levels with its pursuit of Dusty. Now desperate to land someone else with a profile. Roll up, roll up. |
| If | a player was designed to rip apart a finals series ... | then | ... it is Ryder in 2017. Capable of taking the Power a long way. |
| If | someone has played everyone off a break this year ... | then | ... it is Ralph Carr. To keep Dusty, Richmond went to financial and tenure levels it swore it never would. Just as Collingwood did when Carr managed Trav Cloke's arrangements in 2012. |
| If | this club is to be brutally honest with itself ... | then | ... season 2017 was simply wasted. |
| If | we have always acknowledged that one of the more difficult jobs in an AFL season is to fit 40 quality candidates into a 22-man All Australian team ... | then | ... we're also entitled to say Josh Kennedy in 2017 would have to be one of the more unlucky players to miss such an honour in the history of the game. |
| If | we were Adam Simpson ... | then | ... we'd be rolling the dice with Nic Nat at the Adelaide Oval in the elimination final. |
| If | the robust off-field power plays were covered over with a premiership in 2016 ... | then | ... the lack of success this year will bring such matters into greater focus. A few disgruntled people at Whitten Oval. |
And by popular request ...
| If | Simon Lethlean was a massive loss in the footy ops position ... | then | ... Steve Hocking is a massive gain. Game again in good hands. |
Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
