Break ups and make ups
'Tis a tense time, team selection. From 5pm eastern, workplaces and homes around the country will fall to a murmur as afl.com.au unveils the 16 squads for round seven. Who's in? Who's out? Who's hot? Who's not? I feel sorry for him. But who's he?

Crystal clear
Footy match outcomes can be tougher to (fore)see than the bottom of the Yarra, but trust our dedicated reporters to wade knee-deep through mud and beer cans when considering who will win and why. Two of the five million* tippers whingeing about their poor scores in recent weeks obviously haven't kept up with our eight previews on a Thursday.

Get Nicked
When the media release lobbed, we thought Nick Dal Santo had ditched his St Kilda guernsey and gone running to the Lexus Centre. Not so. We'll sit nearby pretending to read the paper as Dal exchanges pleasantries with Collingwood skipper Nick Maxwell over a croissant and an OJ, wishes him well for his 100th game and then plots the Pies' downfall on the drive back to Moorabbin.

Worm catchers
We've heard about sunrise beach runs, but sunrise flights? Wow! Freo, now one of the competition's in-form sides, is stopping at nothing to protect that reputation: booked on Thursday's first plane to the Gold Coast. Coffee in hand and lifesaver hat on, we'll hit Perth's happening domestic terminal from 3.30am** to make sure we don't miss it.

Diamond in the Rough
Hawthorn coach Al Clarkson has a dilemma on his hands: what to do when the side's second best forward is outshining the main act? A good problem to have, he'll say, and we'll agree, nod, smile and return to the office to trade L. Franklin for J. Roughead in our Toyota AFL Dream Team.

From surgery, with love
How good is Richo? Not even hamstring surgery can keep the big man down. Are you sore, Richo? When will you be back, Richo? How disappointing is this, Richo? Have you spoken with your teammates, Richo? Will Ben Cousins play this week, Richo? Just some of the questions we'll rehearse when killing time at Tigerland.

Sorely not
Some people*** say beware of Neil Craig in the week after a Showdown loss because he's like a bear with a sore tooth. We'll push to the front of the press conference to hear what's set to re-motivate the Crows when they take on the Dogs.

Off with their leads
It might be a different caper at Whitten Oval where Rodney Eade will tell his players – this time via the AFL website – to bark less and bite more this week or risk falling out of the top eight. All right, enough animal clichés.

* There are heaps of them but don't take these figures as accurate

** OK, a tad exaggerated: 3.45am

*** I don't know ... just some people

The views in this article are those of the author and not necessarily those of the clubs or the AFL.