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Football Parents – Support, Smiles and Sporting Success

Wayne Goldsmith 12:26 PM Fri 16 Apr, 2010

AFL

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Parents love their children and want nothing but the best for them. Behaviours that others may see as “pushy”, sporting parents see as “lovingly supportive”.
What a coach may interpret as “sticking their noses in”, sporting parents see only a genuine interest in their child’s development. This difference in perspective and the difficulty in being able to be objective where their kids are concerned often leads parents into a conflict situation with coaches, other parents, officials and eventually their own children.
 
Over the past 15 years, I have done hundreds of talks to sporting parents - supporting kids involved in many different sports - all around the world.
 
Many times parents have approached me after a talk and said “I hear what you say, but you don’t know my child. He is different”.
 
Whilst every child is indeed an individual, what all children have in common are parents who have high and often unrealistic opinions of their child’s ability to do everything and anything, and when you think about it, that’s perfect natural and normal......
 
It starts early - the first day home from the hospital.
 
“Here is a picture of my baby. He is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and I am not just saying that because he is mine”.
 
Then around two years of age:
 
“My child is much more advanced than the other children - talking and walking before other kids, and I am not just saying that because he is mine”.
 
Then at school.
 
“He is well advanced for his age. He can do things that most five year olds can’t. I’m not just saying that because he is my son”.
Then naturally at sport.
 
“He is the best forward in the district. He really is. I’m not just saying that because he is my son”.
 
The football parent is merely extending their natural feelings of love and support for their child into the sporting environment.
 
This article aims to help parents of young AFL players (and the coaches who have to manage those parents) deal with some of the critical issues in sport and parenting.
 
Footy Parents have five things in common:
 
·         They love their children;
 
·         They want the best for their children;
 
·         They are incapable of being objective about their children;
 
·         They believe there is something special or unique about their children (that no one else can see);
 
·         And……..They don’t believe people when they tell them every parent has the first four things in common!
 
This is where coaches and parents run into problems.
 
Coaches see kids as athletic, confident, skilful etc based on their objective analysis of the child’s ability to perform tasks at training and in games. Parents on the other hand see a child who is wonderful, brilliant and gifted because they share the same genetics.
 
Times are not getting easier for coaches. Coaching is a tough job.
 
Ask any parent what the three most important things in their life are:
 
·         THEIR KIDS;
 
·         THEIR TIME;
 
·         THEIR MONEY.
 

AFL coaches coach KIDS, often at inconvenient TIMES and parents have to pay MONEY to be involved (i.e. boots, jerseys, training gear, travel to games, game entry, registrations etc etc). So it is little wonder that AFL coaches and parents often end up in conflict situations.

 However kids today are a little different owing to the nature of society where education and training are increasingly dependent of their entertainment qualities.
 
Kids today:
 
·         They want it all;
·         They want it at a younger age;
·         They want it now;
·         They want it to be fun;
·         If they can’t have it all, have it now and if it is not fun they don’t want it.
 
And in that same environment, the coach is trying to develop the players’ skills, physical abilities, character, game sense and core values like integrity, humility and honesty.
 
The question is often asked, why AFL (and all other sports) struggles to keep kids involved after their mid teens.
 
Sport is often seen as focusing on traditional values of dedication, the development of a strong work ethic, commitment, honesty, team work and instructing players how to deal with adversity and pressure.
 
These values are (unfortunately) often interpreted as being out of step with many of the “fast food” attitudes of today’s kids.
 
The challenge for all coaches is to use sport to teach and enhance the traditional values which apply to all people in all walks of life but…..encourage kids to take part in sport and “sell” sport in a way which appeals to their world - where entertainment is as important as education.
 
This is a dilemma for every coach: How to make training and preparation interesting, stimulating and entertaining yet remain true to their coaching philosophies and core beliefs about coaching young players: that is, not compromising on coaching standards but still responding to the changing demands of today’s teenage footballer and engaging with them in a way that they want to be engaged.
 
 
It is here that coaches and parents should work together.
 
The life lessons young players learn working together in a team environment can provide a positive experience and an advantage for them in their academic and business lives.
 
A young player who has worked together with team mates to achieve their goals learns a life lesson about team work and goal setting.
 
A young player who learns to execute skills in the pressure of a final learns a valuable life lesson about dealing with pressure and stress.
 
AFL is teaching valuable life lessons to kids and as such, parents should support coaches and clubs in reinforcing and supporting this learning experience.
 
By working with coaches as an integral part of the club and team structure and by supporting and endorsing the coach’s words and actions at home, parents can play a vital role in the career and personal development of their children.
 
Education and engagement of AFL parents is the key!
 
AFL clubs and coaches should schedule time to hold parent education sessions on a regular basis to inform and educate parents about the key elements and philosophies of their program.
 
Success comes when:
 
THE VISION OF THE COACH and
 
THE COMMITMENT OF THE PLAYERS and
 
THE SUPPORT OF THE PARENTS all come together focused towards achieving a common goal.
 
If you like, it is a performance partnership: players, parents and coaches: all working together to help each individual player to realize their full potential.
 
Sporting Parents are keen to learn as much as they can to help their kids achieve their sporting goals and, these questions are the ten most commonly asked by sporting parents:
 
 QUESTION 1:
 
How many times should a child train each week?
 
This is without doubt the most common question asked by sporting parents.
 
Answer.
 
There are several approaches to answering this question including:
 
1. As many as they can recover from - if two training sessions makes them tired and sore, then doing six will not help them.
 
2. As many as their goals determine - the higher the goal - the higher the price.
 
Players aiming to be the best and play AFL as senior players need to spend more time training than other players aiming for social level competition.
 
3. As many as they enjoy - the key to it all. Kids play sport because of three key reasons - they enjoy it - they love being with their friends and they love learning. If the kids are not enjoying their football, forget keeping them in the sport.
 
There is no magic number of sessions for players to complete each week that will guarantee success.
 
Key comment - It is an individual thing!
  
QUESTION 2:
 
When should a child specialise in a sport, event or position?
 
Answer:
 
There is no such thing as a ten year old champion. The “child champion” is merely someone who for reasons of growth and development plays one position a little better than another. However this year’s mid fielder could be next year’s back and in two years the same player might be a forward.
 
The tendency is that when a child is bigger and stronger than the other players at the same age, parents and coaches sometimes place unreasonable expectations on them. All coaches have stories to tell about the 12 year old who scored 100 goals in a season, yet didn’t ever make it to top grade.
 
This year’s champ is often next year’s chump. As size and strength factors equalize in the mid to late teens, often these early maturers are frustrated by the fact they can no longer dominate teams the way they did when they were younger.
 
In the long term, size and strength are not the key determinants of success.
 
The key elements of success in the long term are:
 
·         Skills;
·         Confidence;
·         Decision making;
·         Selflessness in a team environment;
·         Honesty;
·         Desire to succeed;
·         Integrity;
·         Humility;
·         A positive attitude;
·         The ability to deal with adversity and tough times.
 
Key comment: LONG TERM ATHLETE DEVELOPMENT is the key to success.
 
 
QUESTION 3:
 
Do young AFL players need a special diet?
 
Answer:
 
No. Not unless they have special needs or health issues which require dietary control, e.g. diabetes.
 
Providing they eat a balanced diet of carbohydrates, proteins and fats it is unlikely that a young, developing player needs a special diet. The important issue is to encourage young players to develop eating practices which become lifetime healthy lifestyle habits.
 
Importantly, kids should be educated on the key elements of a healthy, nutritious diet (i.e. low on salt, low on saturated fat, and low on processed sugars) as early as possible.
 
Parents are often tempted to try short cuts like buying muscle building powders, high protein sports drinks and glucose tablets to help their child achieve their football goals. It must be said that none of these products are likely to make a difference to the child’s playing and taking them may even be counter productive.
 
Key comment: Vitamins and minerals do not make champions.
 
 QUESTION 4:
 
How do kids balance school and sport?
 
Answer:
 
School comes first. There is no getting away from this. No player plays for ever and at some time in their life, having the basics of a good education will be important.
 
However, success at AFL and success at school is possible. There are literally hundreds of good footballers in all codes who have also completed university studies.
 
High achieving players are usually high achieving students as they have a strong work ethic, they learn excellent time management skills, they learn to deal with stress, they understand team dynamics, they develop excellent communication skills and other important abilities in their training and preparation for football.
 
Key comment: School and sport DO mix
 
 
QUESTION 5:
 
When should my kids start strength training?
 
Answer:
 
It does not matter what age….. it depends on what they do and how they do it.
 
Body weight exercises (like sit ups, push-ups, step ups, chin ups) and light exercise with perfect technique are ok at most ages.
Where young players (and parents) get into trouble is when they start lifting heavy weights too early and with poor technique in an effort to find a short cut to success.
 
Weight training is a great way to get strong and help to develop the power needed to play great AFL as a senior player.
However, the introduction of weight training should be systematic and done progressively over many years and with the development of perfect lifting techniques being the most important part of the process.
 
 
Key comment: Technique before tonnes!
 
QUESTION 6:
 
What types of exercise are best for young (i.e. pre teen) athletes?
 
Answer:
 
Ages 6-12 are the perfect time to learn techniques and skills - the foundations of sporting success in later years. In fact, it has been suggested that players who do not develop and master the basics of the game in those years may never achieve their full potential.
 
Young players should be encouraged to learn their A - B - C’ S (Agility, Balance, Co-ordination and Speed) during these important developmental years.
 
When a child attends school, they learn basic arithmetic, and then progress to equations and eventually to calculus.
 
The basics of the game - running, passing, kicking, decision making and game sense should all be learnt, refined and mastered by the young player before moving on the more advanced playing techniques.
 
Key comment: Where young players are concerned, Patience is a true virtue.
 
 
QUESTION 7:
 
How do I choose a good coach for my child?
 
Answers:
 
Qualifications, experience and coaching record are all important when selecting a coach for the young player. Younger coaches who may lack coaching experience but who have an infectious enthusiasm for the game and a passion to succeed may also be a good option.
 
However, they key question for parents to ask is:
 
Can the coach provide a safe, ethical, positive, skills based, stimulating training environment?
 
The reality for most parents is that they will choose the coach who is best situated on their afternoon “drop off circuit”, ie mum drops Julie to swimming, Billy to piano and Johnny to football, then goes back to pick up Julie to take her to netball etc etc.
 
Key comment: Does your child like the coach AND do you have faith in the coach - enough to give them 100% support?
 
 
QUESTION 8:
 
What are the common characteristics of champion players?
 
Answer:
 
 
·         Confidence / self esteem / self belief;
 
·         The ability to deal with tough times and adversity;
 
·         A love of what they are doing - the passion for the game will carry them a long way;
 
·         Strong core values: courage, discipline, humility, sincerity, honesty - these things make an impact on their playing career and their lives;
 
·         A positive attitude.
 
 
Key comment: Champion athletes are champion people first.
 
 
QUESTION 9:
 
What can I do to help my child achieve their goals in AFL?
 
Answer:
 
 
·         Be patient with progress;
 
·         Be tolerant of mistakes and poor performances;
 
·         Be calm and dignified at sporting events;
 
·         Learn to accept wins or loses graciously;
 
·         Allow (the players) plenty of breathing space;
 
·         Offer praise with success;
 
·         Encourage involvement in other pursuits;
 
·         Encourage independence and self-sufficiency;
 
·         Above all, keep football in perspective;
 
·         Be supportive rather than intrusive.
 
 
Key comment: Love them.
 
 
QUESTION 10:
 
How can I tell if my child is doing too much?
 
Answer:
 
There are several signs to look for in the over trained or chronically tired sporting child:
 
·         They seem tired all the time and generally lethargic;
 
·         They may appear irritable, quiet, moody - maybe even sad;
 
·         They develop a minor illness or health problem that doesn’t seem to go away, e.g. repeated occurrence of sinus problems, cold sores that don’t clear up, consistent gastro intestinal / upper respiratory problems;
 
·         They don’t seem to sleep well;
 
·         Their weight fluctuates considerably;
 
·         They develop social problems with school, friends and or family.
 
 
Key comment: Just like you when you are tired!
 
 
Summary
 
In this century, sport can provide an opportunity for kids to learn important social and personal skills that they may not be able to learn in any other institution.
Health, fitness, movement and activity are life long habits…..and habits for a long life.
 
AFL is a challenging, fun, skills based game that provides the opportunity for young players to develop physically, mentally and emotionally PROVIDING the three key performance partners - THE PLAYERS - THE COACH AND THE PARENTS are all working together to achieve the same things.
 
Kids don’t care how much you know, they want to know how much you care. Coaches and parents play a vital role in the development of every player.
 
The single most important thing parents can give their kids is unconditional love and support AND the single most important thing coaches can give parents is education on how to be a better AFL parent.
 
Over the past 15 years, Wayne Goldsmith has reviewed high performance sports programs in professional football (including AFL, NRL and S14 Rugby Union) and several Olympic sports. For more information go to www.moregold.com.au or read Wayne's views on his blog www.sportscoachingbrain.com 
 
Moregold Sports Pty Ltd

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