STRAP yourselves in, footy fans - Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back in full swing for 2026. 

With the 2026 Toyota AFL Premiership Season underway, Damo's got plenty of thoughts about all 18 clubs - and the AFL.

So what is he saying about your team? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> ALL THE LATEST NEWS AND OPINION FROM DAMIAN BARRETT

IF ...

it was another disappointing Crows loss last weekend against Geelong ...

THEN ...

that round three GMHBA Stadium match is hopefully reflected upon as the official arrival of Josh Rachele, AFL-elite midfielder. Loved his 31-disposal (of which 13 were contested), one-goal performance, and want to see a whole lot more of it.

IF ..

it was this very week last year when then-West Coast captain Oscar Allen was publicly exposed for meeting with Hawks coach Sam Mitchell, and Allen subsequently looked like a hostage when he spoke publicly about it ...

THEN ...

what a difference 12 months makes. The hostage has been freed. Three goals and five big marks in a massive Lions win against Collingwood on Thursday night. How the winner of the past two flags gets unfettered access to the captain of the wooden spoon team is a conversation for another forum.

IF ...

it was in jest that Sam Walsh during the week suggested the Blues "might need to run through the banner two times, I reckon, to reset the game" ...

THEN ...

it's not the silliest idea I've ever heard! The now-regular second-half fadeouts by Carlton players is psychological, not physical, in my eyes. And that is on them to fix, beginning Friday against North Melbourne.

IF ...

Gulden, Butters, Nas, Merrett, Jackson and Gawn are all ultra important to their teams' fortunes ...

THEN ...

there's daylight between all of them and the importance that Nick Daicos has on Collingwood. A shattering pre-match blow when he withdrew with calf soreness on Thursday night. Probably didn't change the result, but so many Pies looked lost little boys without him out there.

IF ...

Leicester City won the 2015-16 EPL title and Donald Trump was voted in as US president not just once but twice ...

THEN ...

I suppose on the day the Easter Bunny delivers eggs to millions of people the Bombers could defeat the Bulldogs at Marvel Stadium.

IF ...

the Dockers and the phrase "sense of urgency" have rarely been used in the same sentence in recent years ...

THEN ...

2026 is a very different year. Loving everything about this team right now. It is playing some beautifully attacking football, from the first ball-up. Reckon it will fly in and out of Adelaide on Friday with another four premiership points, all part of a trek to the Grand Final.

IF ...

the Cats all but phoned it in for their first game, way back on March 6, on the Gold Coast ...

THEN ...

they were dialled in for the next two, back at home versus Fremantle and Adelaide. Next up - the always highly anticipated Easter Monday clash with hated rival Hawthorn. Should be one of the games of the season. Bring it on.

IF ...

Brand 'Trac is out for the first time this season and Matty Rowell in for the first time ...

THEN ...

the Suns' team selection ledger is squared. But cannot wait to see these two midfield bulls in the same 23. 

IF ...

destructive winds, rain and surf wreaked havoc in Sydney last week ...

THEN ...

thankfully the warnings have been downgraded. So too, for myriad reasons but most significantly a horror run with player availability, has the Orange Tsunami threat been downgraded. All the way to Slight Coastal Mist right now. 

IF ...

Mitch on Monday joins Yabby, Kanga and Clarko on the list of Hawthorn coaches to reach 100 matches ...

THEN ...

he won't care one bit about that achievement. His only focus is on the thing that that trio has won a combined 10 times, a premiership cup. Tracking beautifully to get his first in this or next season.

IF ...

I get told seemingly at least 20 times, and always very colourfully, on social media every Friday morning that this Sliding Doors column "isn't Sliding Doors" and that I have no idea how a sliding doors moment actually works ...

THEN ...

hope this keeps you happy for a week at least: IF Brand Petracca didn't ping a hamstring last week THEN we would have seen very emotional centre square moments in the seconds before Sunday's MCG match against Gold Coast, and again post-final siren. Would've loved to have seen the interactions between big Maxxy and 'Trac. Having to look into the eyes of the ex has been avoided.

IF ...

someone felt the need last year to ridicule Harry Sheezel for his ball use ...

THEN ...

two best-and-fairest trophies (2023 and 2025) and a third-place in the best-and-fairest (2024) in his first three seasons while playing for a very ordinarily performed football club is all that needs to be said in reply. Already on track for another high finish in the Syd Barker Medal. Hope he's again among the best afield on Good Friday against Carlton.

IF ...

I'm Josh Carr ...

THEN ...

I'm never again choosing to play Ollie Wines in the SANFL. Can't believe he was made to return via the lower league last week, while the Power, at home, went down to West Coast. Back for Saturday's game against Richmond. 

IF ...

Adem Yze has a 7-42 record at Richmond and multiple players keep breaking down on a weekly basis ...

THEN ...

I feel for him. Can't be easy. 22 of the 42 losses by 41 points or more. Tigers have backed him with a contract through to 2028. But the Tigers haven't provided him with enough seasoned talent.

IF ...

the first four matches haven't gone to plan, with losses to Collingwood, Melbourne and Brisbane, and a fortunate-to-hold-on win against a late surging, banged-up GWS ...

THEN ...

the bye has come at a nice time. Can re-set and re-load. Next up are the Power, Crows and Eagles. Need to emerge from that sequence with a 2-1 tally at the very least.

IF ...

the Eagles went very close to securing The Chad before he signed a deal to stay with the Swans until the end of 2027 ...

THEN ...

the pitches will keep coming. On Saturday night at Optus Stadium, a West Coast future will again be sold to him in the form of Reid, Duff-Tytler, Shanahan, Duursma, Lindsay and others. Really hope we see The Chad going head-to-head with Reid. What a match-up.

IF ...

in the past two weekends the Eagles have won double the number of matches than they did in the entirety of 2025 ...

THEN ...

that is genuine cause for celebration, particularly with the impact of youth in those victories against North Melbourne and Port Adelaide. A reality check might be on its way, though. Sydney, Geelong and Fremantle the next three assignments. 

IF ...

the Bulldogs had the option of playing Sunday's match against Essendon at 1.5x or 2x speed ...

THEN ...

they would. Play it and move on. The sooner this one is over, the better. For the Dogs, the Bombers, those at Marvel Stadium and those watching at home. Pretty much everyone.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

I've loved the many rule and interpretation changes for the 2026 season ...

THEN ...

I'm on watch with one. Players are again being rewarded for embarrassingly contorting their necks and heads into positions which are drawing high free kicks. Hopefully this behaviour is penalised with holding-the-ball decisions against.