LIKE an Auskicker starting all over again.
That's how Tiger Sarah Hosking is feeling coming into her 11th AFLW season, but there have been moments in recent years where the fan favourite was unsure if she could continue playing at the highest level.
Repeat hamstring injuries and surgeries have plagued Hosking in her last few seasons, including two incidents where she tore her hamstring off the bone.
"Quite frankly, there's (been) multiple times where I've sat there and thought, 'It's time to throw the towel in', and not because I wanted to, but I feel like I've been on a real rollercoaster at different times, physically," Hosking told AFL.com.au.
"Some days when I was great, you'd roll out of bed, I can bounce out of bed, and you go and do things, and then there's other days where I couldn't get out of bed and I couldn't bend over to tie my shoes. That's still a balance now… I'd be lying to you if I said it hasn't crossed my mind a thousand times."
Describing the injury as something "quite chronic", it is now something that Hosking has learned to live with, but it took some time to contend with just how broadly the issue impacted her life.
It's not just footy that her hamstring injuries have affected, but also her capacity to live life away from the club.
"I'm quite open about some mental health challenges I had during that period, because you go from being able to be an athlete, exercise, (and) I'm turning up to work, I didn't feel like I could do my job properly," Hosking said.
"You're turning up to work for a year, if not two years, not being able to get outcomes or feel like you're completing tasks, that's essentially where I was… you go home and I can't move and I can't do certain things, so I think mentally it was quite debilitating, physically it was quite debilitating, but I'm just so grateful for the people that I was surrounded by, and that's my family, and my friends, and my teammates, and the staff that are at Richmond."
The thing that kept Hosking going through it all was the thing that everyone who is involved in footy comes back to – the love of the game.
An extroverted personality who loves being around people, a team sport suits Hosking perfectly, letting her loose at max capacity out on the footy field.
"I love the energy, the excitement that I get from playing. There's nothing better than physically going out there and playing, and I don't know if I need to explain to you, I'm an all or nothing kind of player. There is no half, there is no handbrake for me," Hosking said.
"So, I think that's probably what's hardest, is I love being out there … that's why a lot of players find it really hard to be in rehab, because it's quite isolating. You're struggling physically, or you're trying to find all these small wins and things, when ultimately I signed up for a team sport, I want to be playing with my teammates, and I want to be out there joking around and screaming and tackling and doing all the things that I love doing."
Part of getting Hosking back out onto the field has been an adjustment in her position. Known for her physicality and bull-at-a-gate attack on the footy and the opposition through the middle of the ground, she found a new home in defence last year to great effect.
A key moment where her suitability for defence stood out last year was in the Tigers' breakthrough win over Adelaide in round eight. Matched up on Danielle Ponter, Hosking got under the Crows star's skin, drawing a vital free kick on the wing.
"At the time I said my hamstring's still not great, so I know high speed wasn't a strength of mine, and I can tell you, Danielle Ponter is one of the quickest players in the competition, and if she's going to get goal side of me, she's getting a goal. So, for me there was (a) moment where it's like, how can I play to my strengths, and for me, that's physicality," Hosking said.
"I know that if I can bumper bar and get in her head a little bit, and I did, it worked… I know that if we're one-on-one and we're both chasing the ball towards the goal, I can guarantee you she'll beat me, but in those moments I think, you know, I am an all or nothing kind of player, so my mentality is something that I know I've got an edge, typically, on my opponents."