ESSENDON was once so powerful and unapologetic in its actions that, for no reason other than pure arrogance, it publicly insulted a hated rival in the week leading into a final.
Then-coach Kevin Sheedy, in a haze of red and black hubris, labelled North Melbourne executives Greg Miller and Mark Dawson, respectively, pink and white marshmallows before a qualifying final in 1998. "That's about where I see those two softies," Sheedy said.
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If Sheedy was still in the marshmallow-assignment business, I reckon this week he'd like to be throwing them around inside his old club. He'd probably be piffing the pink ones at Bombers president Andrew Welsh and the white ones at CEO Tim Roberts, after their decision to run to the Brisbane Lions and the AFL to complain about some perceived nasty words directed at their club by an AFL great on radio last weekend.
Now, that is seriously soft behaviour. And that is how far Essendon has slumped. The club which once proudly taunted opponents now sooks it up when someone says something critical about its very questionable operations.
Essendon needs to do many things to extricate itself from 22 seasons of on-field misery, which again sees it sitting last on the ladder with three matches remaining of the 2026 home and away season. Hardening up in every aspect of operations would be a good starting point.
With the Bombers fine-tuning their latest project to find another coach they hope will finally take them back up the ladder, Matthews was scathing on 3AW radio on Saturday, with "If I was a coach, I wouldn't be going to Essendon" and "anyone who has choices ain't going to Essendon" and "I don't know the Essendon people that well, but I would have no confidence to coach under that regime" among his frank offerings.
Roberts somehow felt the need to raise these observations with the AFL, hurt that Matthews, who as well as being widely adjudged the greatest footballer to ever play the game and a four-time premiership coach at two clubs, currently sits on the Brisbane Lions board.
Welsh somehow felt the need to raise the same concerns with his Lions counterpart Andrew Wellington.
Had the AFL and Wellington not got off their phones after those two calls and burst out in hysterical laughter at the Bombers, then I would be surprised.
I'm putting Port Adelaide coach Josh Carr in the needs-to-harden-up category, too, after he labelled Collingwood and its CEO Craig Kelly as "arrogant" for daring to comment publicly about Power free agent Zak Butters.
Come on, Josh. You once did not flinch when big Jono Brown landed a right hook on your jaw in the 2004 Grand Final. You once stared down Mark Ricciuto outside the Ramsgate. I understand you want to stick up for your club, but Craig Kelly's words about Butters were not worth such a precious retort.
Like Essendon, Port Adelaide once demanded not just greatness but premiership success. Now it takes issue with someone daring to talk about one of its players who has been very open himself about the possibility of leaving. Harden up.
I'm putting AFL football performance boss Greg Swann into the Bombers and Carr zone, too, after his memo to clubs this week warning of fines to clubs which may choose to make mass team changes in the final home-and-away round, in readiness for an already locked-in wildcard final.
I understand why Swann sent the email as well as the messaging in it, but I can only imagine his response to such an email from AFL headquarters in his previous guise as CEO at Brisbane, Carlton or Collingwood. In my eyes, the AFL needs to harden up on this issue, given the possibility of a team resting players from round 24 has only become a possibility after the AFL introduced wildcard finals to the calendar, and that the world's biggest and best sports competition, the NFL, simply accepts the practice anyway.
Back to Essendon. Rather than sook it up and make phone calls around and above Matthews, Roberts and Welsh should have rung the great man himself and invited him to The Hangar seeking a personal airing of the problems he had identified. I reckon Matthews would have happily obliged.
But, for Essendon these days, it's more convenient to run to the AFL. Three weeks ago it made a pathetic request for national draft assistance as cover for its own incompetence over 20 years, and this week it felt the need for a little sook about some nasty words broadcast on the airwaves. So much for the old sticks and stones thing.
Without realising it, and amid a myriad other problems, the Bombers have also become the marshmallows they once joked about.