IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		The Crows return to Adelaide on Sunday night with a win against Carlton …… their 3-2 scoreline will look more than OK and they'll make the finals
Brisbane Lions
 		Michael Voss was still playing for this footy club ……  he wouldn't tolerate the lack of desperation of some Lions players. As its
coach, Voss has just 18 matches remaining to change those players' ways
if he is to be afforded a sixth year
Carlton
 		the three now-famous shepherds from last week become the norm when it comes to Blues' desperation …… Mick Malthouse will take this club not just to the finals but well into
September
Collingwood
 		Travis Cloke¹s form differential between 2012 and 2013 (discounting Anzac Day) is really due to the contract distractions of last year…… Collingwood¹s footy department and his management may have cost the club
a premiership
 
Essendon
 		everyone currently employed at Essendon is still employed in two weeks' time following the expected release of the Ziggy Switkowski report …… miracles happen
 
Fremantle
 		Ross Lyon is as brilliant a coach as we think he is (and he is, maybe even better!) …… he will not be making mistakes again like letting Grant Birchall run totally free off half-back
Geelong
 		Chris Scott says on Saturday to his players, "Go and do a number on the Dogs"…… it could be Round 19, 2011 (the 186-point mauling of the Dees) all over again. But he won't say that, and the
margin won't be any more than 120 points
Gold Coast
 		there were 11,000 people at the Gold Coast v Port Adelaide match last weekend …… 5000 of them were hiding in the out-of-camera-sight fancy bars at Metricon Stadium
GWS Giants
 		the Giants don't win against the Suns on Saturday …...their only chance of victory in 2013 will come in Round 19
 
Hawthorn
 		teams continue to let Grant Birchall run free off half back (he's averaged 31 disposals this year) …… they won't be defeating the
Hawks
Melbourne
 		the Demons carry on with the celebrations as they did last week against GWS in the event of a win against Brisbane this week …… they are even more embarrassing than we already know them to be
North MelbourneCaroline Wilson doesn't somehow link James Brayshaw to a supposed flaw in the Roos' operations this week …… check for the appearance of a blue moon in the sky
Port Adelaide
 		there aren't at least six footy clubs right now asking themselves why the hell they didn't think to ask Ken Hinkley to coach …… they're either lying or delusional
Richmond
 		the Tigers haven't done extra tackling drills at training this week …
 		… Damien Hardwick isn't doing his job
St Kilda
 		Scott Watters wants to make a real point as coach …
 		… he should slap Stephen Milne with another week's ban on top of his MRP
suspension for being just plain stupid
Sydney Swans
 		opposition sides want to crack Sydney's so-called miserly defence …… run, and re-run and re-run, the tape of Geelong's first and third terms against it last Friday. Fourteen goals in those two quarters says it is crack-able
West Coast
 		the Eagles can conjure an unlikely win against Port Adelaide …… Jtheir poor early season form will be forgotten and they will reach the half-way mark of 2013 with the very nice scoreline of 7-4
Western BulldogsBulldogs fans thought things would be OK in 2013 after the big win in round one …… they can be forgiven. But they know now that things won't be