A DAY after watching her coach break down in front of her, North Melbourne president Sonja Hood wanted to speak publicly on his behalf.
"It was the most raw meeting I have ever been in," Hood exclusively told AFL.com.au on Thursday of the Wednesday night meeting at North Melbourne headquarters where Alastair Clarkson, sitting alongside his wife Caryn, revealed he needed time away from football.
For Hood, there had been signs that the stress of the allegations made against Clarkson in a Hawthorn Football Club investigation into racism, and the eight-month timeframe that had followed where he had not been provided a formal opportunity to provide his version, were breaking him.
"It was, and it wasn't, a shock, given what we had seen," she said. "He had been upset and this had been very difficult for him, and Caryn had given us a bit of a heads-up that he may need a bit of a break.
"I was incredibly proud of how he and Caryn were able to be vulnerable, and I think we all were. For him to put his hand up to say he needs help, I'm proud of him."
North CEO Jen Watt and Clarkson's long-time confidant and manager James Henderson were also in the meeting. North players and officials were told of the decision Thursday morning.
For Hood, the lack of any form of control over the situation which has engulfed her coach has been its most frustrating aspect. She has strong views on those she believes are most culpable in the mess it has become, but said she would reserve sharing those thoughts for another day.
"But it has been so difficult given we have had no control whatsoever," she said. "Your job in charge of any organisation is to make that organisation safe for your people. That is a fundamental part of this role, but how do you make your environment safe when it is controlled by someone else?
"And we have had eight months of people trying to do the right thing, and I understand where everyone is coming from within that. But the reality of that is that we have ended up with a process where people have been accused of things that they have not been able to defend themselves on, privately or publicly, for eight months.
"And I don't understand how people can live with that, it is incredibly difficult. And that chairman of that panel (an independent panel appointed by the AFL) put out a three-page statement, where he had more to say in defending himself than Alastair has been able to say in defending himself. And the chair of the panel was not being accused of anything, as far as I can recall."
Asked of Hawthorn's role in this saga, beginning with its decision to outsource an investigation into racism during Clarkson's time as coach, Hood said:
"That will be for others to determine, and I should note here that I have had a call from (new Hawks president) Andy Gowers this morning, and I was grateful for that."
Asked her view of the AFL's role, Hood said: "Everybody has been acting out of what they feel is the best thing to do, and there are a lot of good people in this, and I understand that, but at its heart, you've got people in the system, and eight months is too long a time to just ask people to go about their jobs as if nothing matters."
North Melbourne used the word "indefinite" to describe Clarkson's intended time away from operations.
"I am sure that he will come back," Hood said. "We don't know when, we are all in uncharted territory here. I feel really confident with the club we have built that while Al is a big loss, in his temporary absence, the club will be fine. Brett Ratten will be fine (as interim coach), and Al knows he can take the time without any pressure about when he has to get back.
"I had seen the deterioration in Al. I did know it wasn't tenable in its form, and I had been in to speak to the AFL about that, and I had flagged it with anyone I was able to during Gather Round. It was clear to me that this situation was not long-term tenable.
"And when he came in last night, it was immediately clear he had come to the decision. He was torn about the impact on the club and the players and we reassured him we would be just fine.
"And I said to him that as good as we all are, none of us are irreplaceable. We wanted him to make sure he could go off and know that. We are in a good space to carry this and look after him. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for us. We are OK."
Only last week Hood had pointedly revealed that she was one of very few people to hear Clarkson's version of events of the allegations made against him while at Hawthorn.
"Hearing it proved to me he comes from a place of love and care with his players," Hood said. "I also know that if some things are misunderstood, then Al is not averse to hearing criticism. But in this process, he has never been given that opportunity."
No matter what happens with the investigation from here, Hood said the entire AFL must come together to analyse the past eight months.
"They will work through their process and I want them to work through the right process, which might not be the optically pleasing process, but I want it to be right," Hood said.
"I want Clarko to have the space he needs to look after himself, his physical and mental health, and for the Clarkson family not to be hounded from here.
"And I probably want us to be able as the industry to sit down, reflect and learn from what has happened. There is no point on me blaming anyone for what has gone wrong here right now, but if we don't sit down and reflect then there is a hell of a lot of trauma for no good outcome."
