IF
 
THEN
 
Adelaide
 
the Crows work their way through the problems of the past seven months and re-emerge as high-end finalists …… everyone needs to stop questioning Brenton Sanderson’s ability. #cancoachandplayerslovehim
Brisbane Lions
 
the pressure level on Michael Voss isn’t already at nine ……  upcoming games against the Eagles, Bombers, Blues, Pies, Dockers, Cats and Hawks will ensure it is. #SpinalTapUpTo11
Carlton
 
the Blues lose to the Saints by 10 points or less (they won’t) …… Jarrad Waite is deserving of an old-fashioned, circa-late-1980s top-shelf Mick Malthouse spray. #BradHardiestyle
Collingwood
 
Dale Thomas continues his rediscovered top-line form …… his decision to delay contract talks will be one of the soundest financial decisions made by any player throughout 2013. #KnowWhenToHoldEmKnowWhenToFoldEm
Essendon
 
a 38-year-old can continue to have such an extraordinary impact on the AFL …… please, can list managers at other clubs stop immediately seriously questioning a player’s worth once he turns 29? #HappyBirthdayDustin
Fremantle
 
the Dockers really are a premiership contender this season …… they must knock off a big-name scalp like the Pies on Saturday night. #timetomakearealstatement
Geelong
 
Allen Christensen hasn’t been pencilled in for All-Australian honours …… he should be. #allclass
Gold Coast
 
the Suns don’t defeat the hapless and hopeless Melbourne on Sunday …… this will be another long season. #questionsarebeingaskedanyway
GWS Giants
 
Tom Scully is the best defensive player Callan Ward has played with ...
... Callan Ward hasn’t played with many good defensive players. #partyline
Hawthorn
 
a certain rockstar full-forward goes goalless for a third consecutive week …… look out, there will be a coach of an AFL club who will be even more angry than normal next week. #NotThatBuddyCares
Melbourne
 
anyone has any idea of what is going on at Melbourne …… please tell us. #jonesbestcaptainfordemons
North Melbournethe Roos don’t put the Dogs to the sword by 80+ points this week …… it will be an opportunity lost. #justasitwasagainstbrisbaneinround4
Port Adelaide
 
the Power can return to the winners list …… the mystique around Ken Hinkley will reach bursting point. #MessiahOfAlbertonOval
Richmond
 
Aaron Edwards can’t get in this team in the absence of Tyrone Vickery …
… why did the Tigers recruit him? #worthago
St Kilda
 
Justin Koschitzke is seen on an AFL venue again in 2013… he will be a very lucky man. #RippingBlokeButOneTooManyClumsyActs
Sydney Swans
 
the Swans are to win this Grand Final re-match …… Adam Goodes needs to be BOG, or near-BOG. #StillGotItButOverdueForBlinder
West Coast
 
Tex Walker can raise $50k+ to shave his hair in a great gesture for charity …… what would Nic Nat get? #500LargeMaybe
Western BulldogsAdam Cooney wants to win a premiership …… he won’t be re-signing with the Dogs. #CouldNotBegrudgeHimIfHeLeft