IF | THEN | |
Adelaide | the Crows work their way through the problems of the past seven months and re-emerge as high-end finalists … | … everyone needs to stop questioning Brenton Sanderson’s ability. #cancoachandplayerslovehim |
Brisbane Lions | the pressure level on Michael Voss isn’t already at nine … | … upcoming games against the Eagles, Bombers, Blues, Pies, Dockers, Cats and Hawks will ensure it is. #SpinalTapUpTo11 |
Carlton | the Blues lose to the Saints by 10 points or less (they won’t) … | … Jarrad Waite is deserving of an old-fashioned, circa-late-1980s top-shelf Mick Malthouse spray. #BradHardiestyle |
Collingwood | Dale Thomas continues his rediscovered top-line form … | … his decision to delay contract talks will be one of the soundest financial decisions made by any player throughout 2013. #KnowWhenToHoldEmKnowWhenToFoldEm |
Essendon | a 38-year-old can continue to have such an extraordinary impact on the AFL … | … please, can list managers at other clubs stop immediately seriously questioning a player’s worth once he turns 29? #HappyBirthdayDustin |
Fremantle | the Dockers really are a premiership contender this season … | … they must knock off a big-name scalp like the Pies on Saturday night. #timetomakearealstatement |
Geelong | Allen Christensen hasn’t been pencilled in for All-Australian honours … | … he should be. #allclass |
Gold Coast | the Suns don’t defeat the hapless and hopeless Melbourne on Sunday … | … this will be another long season. #questionsarebeingaskedanyway |
GWS Giants | Tom Scully is the best defensive player Callan Ward has played with ... | ... Callan Ward hasn’t played with many good defensive players. #partyline |
Hawthorn | a certain rockstar full-forward goes goalless for a third consecutive week … | … look out, there will be a coach of an AFL club who will be even more angry than normal next week. #NotThatBuddyCares |
Melbourne | anyone has any idea of what is going on at Melbourne … | … please tell us. #jonesbestcaptainfordemons |
North Melbourne | the Roos don’t put the Dogs to the sword by 80+ points this week … | … it will be an opportunity lost. #justasitwasagainstbrisbaneinround4 |
Port Adelaide | the Power can return to the winners list … | … the mystique around Ken Hinkley will reach bursting point. #MessiahOfAlbertonOval |
Richmond | Aaron Edwards can’t get in this team in the absence of Tyrone Vickery … | … why did the Tigers recruit him? #worthago |
St Kilda | Justin Koschitzke is seen on an AFL venue again in 2013 | … he will be a very lucky man. #RippingBlokeButOneTooManyClumsyActs |
Sydney Swans | the Swans are to win this Grand Final re-match … | … Adam Goodes needs to be BOG, or near-BOG. #StillGotItButOverdueForBlinder |
West Coast | Tex Walker can raise $50k+ to shave his hair in a great gesture for charity … | … what would Nic Nat get? #500LargeMaybe |
Western Bulldogs | Adam Cooney wants to win a premiership … | … he won’t be re-signing with the Dogs. #CouldNotBegrudgeHimIfHeLeft |
Sliding doors: round seven
Contract smarts from Daisy, time for a Docker delivery and what does another barren week mean for Buddy?