The Swans versus Freo? Check!
Adelaide versus the Dees? Classic!
Geelong hosting the Lions at Skilled Stadium? Time to put my feet up, grab a beer, and feast my eyes upon the spectacle.
I don’t care if the game is a scrappy one. I don’t care if the game is a skilful one. I don’t care if it’s a quick game, a slow game, if there are clangers, if there are turnovers, whether it’s wet, whether it’s dry, whether it’s high scoring, whether it’s low scoring. All I care about is the individual exploits of a handful of men who are busting a gut for the Hindsight Mayors.
Why won't anyone pass to Hodge?
When you watch a game this way, it’s like putting on a pair of giant blinkers. All you see is your boys and everything else becomes an irrelevancy. If one of your star players has a quiet game, you become obsessed with him getting the ball to the exclusion of every other man on the field.
For example, if I’d been calling the round four match between Port Adelaide and Hawthorn, it would have sounded something like this:
“Player who isn’t Luke Hodge handballs to a player who isn’t Luke Hodge. Kicked long and marked by a guy who definitely isn’t Hodge. Hodge runs across the top of the screen but ball goes nowhere near him. Hodge is free! Hodge is free! Hodge is free! Why won’t anyone pass to Luke Hodge?”
Such fierce, unwavering focus on your own clubmen even affects the way you view highlights. Impartial viewers of that game would have delighted in Tom Logan’s spectacular mark late in the third quarter and would have called it like this:
“The ball’s kicked long, the pack flies and… Tom Logan! Mark of the year! What a grab!”
Whereas I saw it like this:
“The ball’s kicked long, the pack flies and ... Luke Hodge – assist of the year! But you don’t get any points for being a stepladder, son!”
I barely even saw the mark itself. I just saw my guy bent over and copping it, much like my team that week.
Who won? Who cares!
Not only does Dream Team affect the way you view individual incidents, but it can take the focus away from the outcome of a game. Many times I have sat through two hours of football only to be mystified when my girlfriend asks me for the result:
“So who won?”
“Taylor Walker.”
“What?”
“Taylor Walker. Two goals – plenty of touches – should go up by 30 grand.”
“No, I mean which team won?”
“Oh, the Mayors.”
“The who?”
“The Hindsight Mayors! Damn it, woman, have you been living under a rock?”
“I mean which AFL team, you idiot!”
“Ohh ... I get it. No idea. I can tell you that Taylor Walker didn’t look happy when he walked off, if that helps.”
I must watch 10 times the amount of football as I did before I played Dream Team. I just don’t care who wins anymore!
This week’s question
I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one whose football viewing experience has been forever altered. This week, I want you to complete this sentence – “I knew Dream Team was affecting the way I watched football when…” and send it to dreamteam@afl.com.au, making sure to put ‘Hindy’ in the subject line. I’ll run the best answers in round seven’s column.
In round three, I asked when you treated your Dream Team as if it were real or let emotions get in the way of stats.
Tavis Johnson refuses to have Geelong players in his team (not to mention r’s in his first name) after the grand final shellacking they handed out to his beloved Port. How’s that working out for you, Tavis?
Wayne Baker refused to resign Sam Fisher because he thought was getting “uppity” in his asking price.
And Jason Napiorkowski fervently believes Shannon Grant’s retirement was prompted by a poor performance for the “Myxomatosis Bunnies.”
Thanks for all your responses. See you next week!
Cheers,
Hindy
CEO and coach of the Hindsight Mayors
