| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | we are to rightly acknowledge Denis Pagan as one of the great coaches of the modern era ... | ...it's OK for us also to acknowledge him as the single greatest stifler of club and game promotion in the history of the code. Don't worry about him, Eddie Betts. You're a star. And sorry you had to deal with that. |
| Brisbane Lions | there's a game that this team simply must win ... | ... it is this one against the Pies. |
| Carlton | you've been a Gibbs critic the past two seasons ... | ... you'd better soon prepare to offer up some big-time praise. Been very, very good this year. |
| Collingwood | matches against Geelong and Western Bulldogs are to follow this one against the Lions ... | ... you wouldn't want to lose this one. |
| Essendon | you've managed to get Hooker and Heppell to re-commit by early May ... | ... you're beautifully ahead of schedule. Add the other H-surnamed player at any stage before late September and it's very happy days. |
| Fremantle | you thought Sirengate was the biggest farce Aurora Stadium had seen ... | ... let's reassess come Saturday, 5.30pm. Could be a massive blowout. |
| Geelong | Denis Pagan had an issue with Eddie Betts last week ... | ... he'll be equally worked up about Paddy this week. Quick press conferences in both Melbourne and Adelaide the day before a game, followed by a live night-time TV interview. Well played, Paddy. |
| Gold Coast | you're a young Suns player who dared to challenge the skipper in an intense feedback session two weeks ago ... | ... hope you got a kick last week. And if you didn't, you'd better get one this week. |
| Greater Western Sydney | the Giants have spent six months bagging Cam McCarthy ... | ... we can see right through it when they start to praise him. Would be sitting on a potential 2016 No.1 draft pick had they transacted with the Dockers last year. The 'fatten him up for sale' project is too late. |
| Hawthorn | Clarko doesn't order the resting of a gun player, maybe two, against the lowly Dockers - given a six-day break awaits before a tantalising match-up against the Swans ... | ... we'll be quite surprised. |
| Melbourne | the Demons aren't worried about Jesse flying back to WA mid-week ... | ... we know we would be. |
| North Melbourne | the first nine matches have presented as a very nice opening to 2016 ... | ... 10 of the next 13 look downright scary. |
| Port Adelaide | the Power do what most of us expect them to do against the Blues ... | ... they'll be 5-3. Not bad for a team which looked to be in crisis after round five. And yet the doubts will remain. |
| Richmond | this side has got any ticker, and we're not restricting this to the players only ... | ... it will put everything on the line against the Swans on Saturday night. We've got our doubts. |
| St Kilda | it's possible to be going well when you boast a 2-6 scoreline, which is what we expect it to be for the Saints come Sunday night ... | ... this mob is proof. But you'd want to win the next two, against Essendon and Fremantle. |
| Sydney Swans | Isaac Heeney was a stock ... | ... you'd buy, buy, buy. Then sell everything else you've got to buy some more. And after that, borrow to buy even more. |
| West Coast | something was overdue ... | ... it was the omission of Jetta from this team. We'll back him to be back soon, but needs a reality check. |
| Western Bulldogs | it is supposedly disgusting to publicly question lopsided free-kick numbers ... | ... we would have thought it was also that to refer one of your own players to the AFL for investigation without beforehand personally allowing a right of reply from the player himself. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
