IF
 		THEN
 
Adelaide
 		you start with a two-year contract offer and ...... increase it to four, and then five, you're very serious – as you should be - about your desire to retain Josh.
Brisbane Lions
 		there's one thing Rocky does very well ...... it is the talk game. And he's promised a form of payback for May's hit on Martin in round four. Things could get interesting at Metricon Stadium on Saturday.
Carlton
 		Michael Jamison isn't at Carlton next year, even though he's contracted ...... we won't be surprised. Been a gallant performer his whole career, but body just seems done from a footy perspective.
Collingwood
 		the video of Lin Jong in a Collingwood polo shirt gets out just as the Treloar one did last year ...... well, that will make things even more interesting.
Essendon
 		in this day and age of hush-hush negotiations that you feel the need to tell the footy world you're offering a fresh contract to an already contracted WADA-banned player ...... it's unusual practice.
Fremantle
 		something looms as scary for the Dockers this weekend ...... it is Max Gawn. The big man gets another chance to continue his All Australian push.
Geelong
 		Joel and Danger up against Hannebery, Parker and Kennedy doesn't get you excited ...... nothing will.
Gold Coast
 		the Suns find themselves $1.18 in a head-to-head market ...... the opposition has one of the lowest form ratings in the modern era.
Greater Western Sydney

 		Giants players stay true to their sledging form ...... there will be approximately 93 in-game reminders to Adam Treloar that he chose the wrong team.
Hawthorn
 		the umpires' department is to be truly honest about Thursday night's match ...... it will admit the Hawks got some very nice, dodgy frees.
Melbourne
 		Heritier Lumumba plays in the seniors again this season ...... it is going to be some sort of comeback. Latest head knock is a significant setback.
North Melbournethe Roos lose this Sunday against West Coast ...... the critics will be nodding knowingly
Port Adelaide
 		there's one thing on which we want a full-fledged de-brief ...... it is Mark Evans' investigations into Port Adelaide's decision to send Hartlett back onto the ground so quickly. Almost guaranteed there will be nothing to see here, move on, as always.
Richmond
 		the Tigers don't make flawless list decisions from here ...... yet more, and possibly greater, pain lies ahead. List is a mess and seemingly Hardwick, who has influenced its content, is the only person who doesn't see it that way.
St Kilda
 		you continually dish up rubbish in games ...... you're a long way off.
Sydney Swans
 		you look back on those 2005 photos of a beaming young Kieren with his beaming dad Garry ...... the only word to describe the events of the week is this: sad.
West Coast
 		the flat-trackers can get Nic Nat back sooner rather than later ...... they can still create something out of not much in 2016.
Western Bulldogsit worked successfully for Dennis Denuto in The Castle ...... Luke Beveridge has every right, too, to wait for the right vibe before he allows Tom Boyd back in to the senior team.
 And wait, there's more, as per constant reader request ... 
AFLyou take until round 15 to finally rule that it is not OK to punch opponents in the guts ...... it is 15 rounds too long. Embarrassing, needless delay in finally getting this message right.


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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian