| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | this club wants to get really serious again ... | ... bring in Hamish Hartlett. He's a gun who needs a new challenge. |
| Brisbane Lions | Rocky and Pearce want out ... | ... don't even think about keeping them. Win-win. |
| Carlton | you like taking long-range Brownlow bets ... | ... keep a few bucks spare for Cripps. 18 votes in 2016 in a team down the bottom of the ladder. |
| Collingwood | Boomer is wearing black-and-white stripes next year ... | ... we like it. Sign him for two years, too. |
| Essendon | the euphoria of Jobe's re-signing was last week's highlight ... | ... how will we react if the Swiss court decision rules against the players and therefore leads to him having his 2012 Brownlow questioned? Badly. But if indeed that is what happens, then the honour needs to be given to Mitchell and Cotchin. |
| Fremantle | Connor Blakely is ever dropped again ... | ... we'd be surprised. Hopefully the last axing was a blessing. Best-on-ground in the WAFL should be used as a springboard into an elite AFL life. |
| Geelong | the full reliance on Danger and Selwood got you to a prelim final but ultimately nowhere near a Grand Final ... | ... it is flawed strategy. Those two need help, and at the same time, to have roles identified for them which allow the development of others. |
| Gold Coast | we're running the Suns ... | ... we're using our extraordinary access to key draft picks to actually go back to the national draft. Only this time to get selections very right. |
| Greater Western Sydney | this club needs to do something now that it is out of the premiership race ... | ... it should re-sign Lobb beyond 2017. A genuine, A-grade star who looms as more than capable of leading this team to a flag. |
| Hawthorn | the Hawks really want O'Meara ... | ... they'd better get serious. Need some serious manouevering from here. |
| Melbourne | you're really bold like we think you are ... | ... you say this to Jesse: We'll get you back to Perth provided you negotiate the steak knives of the deal that we want (which is two picks inside the top 10). |
| North Melbourne | the Pies do indeed commit to their $600,000 times three-year offer to Wellsy ... | ... the Roos will be doing cartwheels when the compo for free agent-loss is analysed. |
| Port Adelaide | we ask ourselves if we've seen a worse deal than the long-term one given to Lobbe ... | ... we're not immediately sure. And then we remember North securing Jon Hay. |
| Richmond | you're Deledio and even moreso if you're Richmond FC ... | ... it's pretty easy if you want status quo in 2017. But neither player nor club will do anything which absolutely, 100 per cent guarantees they will be together beyond this season. |
| St Kilda | the Crows don't want Hartlett ... | ... the Saints should swoop hard. |
| Sydney Swans | there was a question we were forced to ask last week ... | ... it was this: Where has Zak Jones been? |
| West Coast | the Eagles want to be ruthless ... | ... they're getting inside the Blues' heads and plans and giving not-binding, yet significant deals, to the 24-hour-old Chris Judd twins. |
| Western Bulldogs | the heart keeps beating as loud as it has the past week ... | ... maybe it knocks out the head. |
| And wait, there's more, as per constant reader request ... | ||
| AFL | you're an umpire and you're not prepared to pay an obvious deliberate out-of-bounds decision in the manner in which you adjudicated in the 23 rounds of home and away season football ... | ... you're weak. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
