FORMER high-profile Carlton midfielder Liam Stocker has revealed he almost retired as a 20-year-old due to an "aggressive" anxiety disorder.
The 22-year-old's stint with the Blues ended last month after he was delisted following 28 games across four seasons at Ikon Park.
Carlton famously swapped first-round picks with Adelaide to secure Stocker during the 2018 AFL draft, putting him immediately in the spotlight.
In a Beyond Blue initiative, Stocker revealed he has experienced severe anxiety for most of his life, but the issues were amplified in the AFL system.
"I had this weird assumption that the second I started earning money for being a professional athlete, and when I was surrounded by these elite performers, everything in my brain would just compartmentalise and disappear," he told the Not Alone podcast.
"The scrutiny and the expectation I put on myself, there were all these factors that just magnified what was going on in my head.
"I know it's hard for people to conceptualise that you're struggling with this aggressive anxiety disorder but you're still in front of a packed MCG."
Stocker left Carlton's Queensland hub during 2020 after struggling in the unique environment the COVID-19 pandemic forced onto the AFL.
"I remember talking to our welfare manager at the time and just saying 'I think I’m going to pack it in here'," he said.
"Basically things spiralled out of control and my plan was to retire and forget about football and disappear into the sunset and live happily ever after.
"I thought me escaping football was me escaping my mental health problems."
Stocker returned to play 17 games in 2021 and six this year, but was not offered a new contract with the Blues.
His axing prompted former Carlton list boss Stephen Silvagni to question whether the Blues had done enough to help Stocker develop at the club.
Silvagni was the instigator in drafting Stocker in 2018, but departed from the club at the end of the following year.
"I now realise my purpose in football might be a little bit bigger than just being good at it," Stocker said.
"For me it's going to be destigmatising mental health, whether it's in men's health circles or in the AFL, but I'm going to do everything in my power to make people feel like suffering like this is OK.
"I know other people struggle, I know everyone does, and that's what makes it OK for me."
Lifeline is an Official Charity Partner of the AFL, which provides all Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24h crisis support & suicide prevention services. For crisis or suicide prevention support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit http://lifeline.org.au/gethelp
