NO CLUB and no one is safe as Damian Barrett takes off the gloves for his latest instalment of Sliding Doors.

So put your seatbelt on and put your mouthguard in as Damo gets to work.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you?

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT  

IF ...

The personal highlight for Matt Crouch may be a best-and-fairest trophy in a season in which his team reached a Grand Final...

THEN ...

...one of the lowlights will be the axing in round eight of his ninth season.

Matt Crouch in action during round six, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ..

Big Joe escaped serious damage to his shoulder and Eric will resume next week after a knee reco in the VFL...

THEN ...

...to this point of this season's premiership push, everything is going to plan.

00:33 Mins
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Daniher's night ends early with shoulder injury

Joe Daniher was subbed out of the game after he came off the ground clutching his shoulder during the second term

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IF ...

Some didn’t like Jack Silvagni's carry-on against North Melbourne last weekend...

THEN ...

...I did. Got whacked unnecessarily, and understandably fired back. The mind games are a massive part of this caper. And no coincidence that the successful teams in this league are also the best with the on-ground verbal stuff.

Jack Silvagni and Jason Horne-Francis exchange words during the Carlton-North Melbourne clash in round seven on April 30, 2022. Picture: screenshot

IF ...

Jack Ginnivan by the end of the year hasn't become a robot like 99.83 per cent of the AFL population...

THEN ...

... I'll be very surprised. The club now telling him not just how to socialise with mates but actually how to celebrate after a goal. Someone may soon be assigned to hold his hand to cross the road and to check whether he's brushed his teeth.

00:55 Mins
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Ginnivan stuns the Suns with insane dancing finish

Jack Ginnivan steps around three Suns to kick a stunning goal

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IF ...

There's going to be yet another review...

THEN ...

... maybe before that review starts there should be a review into the previous review, and another review into the review before that. Or maybe this club just needs to start playing proper, uncomplicated, have-a-desperate-crack footy.

STREAM YOUR TEAM Watch every VFL and WAFL game LIVE

Dejected Essendon players walk off the ground after losing to Western Bulldogs in round seven, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

This team can go the Cattery and get the job done without Fyfe, Darcy and Taberner...

THEN ...

... it won’t have a problem on its own turf against North Melbourne, even without six of the 22, due to COVID protocols, who played against Geelong. Something very special unfolding here.

Fremantle players celebrate after defeating Geelong in R7, 2022. Picture: Getty Images

IF ...

Danger is a big in...

THEN ...

... Max Holmes is a significant out. Until suffering a syndesmosis complaint last weekend had been tracking very nicely, and he possesses a rare quality on this list – pace. Selwood out, too, with a quad.

00:00 Mins
Published on

Blow for Cats with young gun subbed off

Max Holmes leaves the ground after injuring his ankle in this incident

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IF ...

He played eight matches in the Suns' first AFL year in 2011 and a further 95 after that up to round 19 2018...

THEN ...

... amazing perseverance from Rory Thompson to hang tough through two knee recos. Will return after an absence of 1379 days. No biggie that his return opponent will be Bud.

Rory Thompson (L) and Steven May spoil Lance Franklin in round 18, 2018. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Ruckman Braydon Preuss can maintain the impact of round seven against the Crows...

THEN ...

...the Giants will be dangerous in the remainder of 2022, and particularly so against a banged-up Rhys Stanley on Saturday.

Braydon Preuss takes front position in round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

It's one thing as a massive underdog to push the mighty Melbourne to 10 points...

THEN ...

... it's an entirely different thing to win a match in which you are a short-priced favourite. The hunter, for this Saturday night anyway against Essendon, will be the hunted.

MEDICAL ROOM Check out the full injury list

MELBOURNE, AUSTRALIA - APRIL 30: Jack Gunston of the Hawks breaks the tackle of Jake Bowey of the Demons during the round seven AFL match between the Melbourne Demons and the Hawthorn Hawks at Melbourne Cricket Ground on April 30, 2022 in Melbourne, Australia. (Photo by Darrian Traynor/AFL Photos)

IF ...

Big Maxxy is already well on the way for a sixth All-Australian jacket...

THEN ...

...he will still need to be at his absolute best on Sunday. The Paddy Ryder-Rowan Marshall combo awaits.

Max Gawn leaves the field after the win over Hawthorn in round seven on April 30, 2022. Picture: Getty Images

IF ...

Multiple first round draft picks and big dollars have been on the table for Todd Goldstein in the past four seasons...

THEN ...

...both the one-time star ruckman and the entire club might now be wishing the past could be revisited.

Todd Goldstein looks dejected after a loss during round five, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

There's no Bont facing them under the Adelaide Oval Friday night lights...

THEN ...

...absolutely no excuses for the Power. Were seemingly knocked out after a 0-5 start, but have got off the canvas with two subsequent wins (West Coast, St Kilda).

Sam Powell-Pepper and his Port Adelaide teammates celebrate a win over West Coast in R6, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Dusty is back...

THEN ...

... the world is a better place.

05:40 Mins
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Footy Feed: Dusty returns, Eagles decimated, Rutten's plea

The Footy Feed team with all the latest news

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IF ...

The Saints can bring their 2022 A-grade game to the MCG on Sunday...

THEN ...

...there will be moments where they will seriously trouble the mighty Demons. The challenge will be to have the courage to seize those moments. And obviously to kick goals, not points (4.18 in round seven, and 10.17 in round six).

BROWNLOW PREDICTOR Who's leading the race?

02:57 Mins
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Last two mins: Robbie the hero in wild finish in Cairns

The thrilling final moments between the Saints and Power in round seven

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IF ...

Tom Papley went goal-less in his first game of the season...

THEN ...

...look out in game two. A home game against the battling Suns looms as a fill-up.

Tom Papley looks dejected after a loss during round seven, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Matty Knights' time (2008-2010) as coach of Essendon was brutally tough...

THEN ...

...weirdly it probably won’t be as tough as his return this week, when replacing the COVID-displaced Adam Simpson. Facing the rampaging Brisbane Lions at the Gabba, with another batch of The Replacements.

Matthew Knights speaks to West Coast players during the clash against Sydney in round five on April 15, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

You take his very first season (2014, when he was 18 and still played 16 of a possible 22 games anyway) out of the conversation...

THEN ...

...Bont has missed just four matches in the seven-and-a-bit seasons since. "Managed" out of Friday night's game against Port. Yeah, right, whatever. Hasn't been his competition-best self since rolling his ankle in round one.

Marcus Bontempelli and Bailey Smith after the Bulldogs' loss in the 2021 Toyota AFL Grand Final. Picture: AFL Photos

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

I've been saying it for eight or nine years already...

THEN ...

May as well say it again. Time for a complete overhaul of the Match Review Office-tribunal-appeals tribunal judiciary structure. One body would suffice. And it can’t be "independent", as the three bodies currently purport to be. The AFL needs to own all sanctions at their base, not allow for lawyers to get in the way at the tribunal. So many mixed messages on what is and isn't allowed on a footy field.