THE FEAR that he may seriously re-injure his knee will never leave Brent Macaffer, but the Collingwood midfielder is learning to move past those feelings of trepidation.
Macaffer, 27, made his comeback to football in the VFL last weekend, almost 12 months to the day he ruptured the anterior cruciate ligament in his right knee against Greater Western Sydney in round 22, 2014.
He also tore the ACL in his left knee in 2012.
"If it's going to happen again, it's going to happen again," a pragmatic Macaffer told AFL.com.au during the week.
"That's the way it is. But it's not going to be at the forefront of my mind and I'm excited to be back playing."
After anxiously sitting out the first quarter of the Magpies' VFL clash against North Ballarat at Victoria Park last Saturday, Macaffer collected 15 touches and four clearances.
In his first contest when given the green light in the second term, he went searching for body contact, stuck a big tackle, and felt his worries instantly dissipate.
"I managed to get a bit of the ball, and by the end of it I was running low on petrol tickets," Macaffer said.
"I was really happy to get through that game and put that one behind me."
As glad as Macaffer is to be back out on the field, he acknowledged the length of his recovery had been difficult to comprehend.
"As soon as I found out I had done the ACL I was really upset, because I knew what was in front of me," he said.
"I knew how long the process could be and how hard it is to get back."
This time around, his recovery period was nearly six months longer compared to the six months it took him to get back playing in 2012.
Macaffer had an arthroscope on his knee in May and a knee-related hamstring issue caused him further concerns, only adding to his frustration.
"The knee itself was really good. It was the hamstring tendon where I had the graft taken out from that held me back," Macaffer said.
"We couldn't quite figure out what was going in there. We tried a few different things and had two or three different setbacks.
"In the end we needed to go in and have an arthroscope through the knee and have a bit of a clean out of the hamstring – as soon as we did that we found what the problem was and the turnaround was really quick."
Macaffer, who signed a contract extension for 2016 earlier this year, is unlikely to play in the Pies' AFL team this season as Collingwood treats his comeback with extreme caution.
"I haven't ruled it out, but I'm not expecting anything at the same time," Macaffer said.
"My focus is to get back enjoying football and I'll be happy from whatever comes from there."
Before he injured his knee late season, Macaffer was playing the best football of his career, and was regarded as one of the best defensive midfielders in the competition.
He believes he is yet to reach his peak.
"I'm at that age where I'm 27, 28 next year so I'm in that prime physical state that I'm going to be in," Macaffer said.
"Hopefully I can play for another few years and really contribute to this footy team."
