STRAP yourselves in, footy fans - Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back in full swing for 2026.

With the 2026 Toyota AFL Premiership Season underway, Damo's got plenty of thoughts about all 18 clubs - and the AFL.

So what is he saying about your team? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> ALL THE LATEST NEWS AND OPINION FROM DAMIAN BARRETT

IF ...

Showdowns often don't go to script ...

THEN ...

not Showdown 60, on Saturday night. Crows to win easily, and continue their brilliant recent form which is putting them in premiership contention.

IF ..

I normally love the energy, the arrogance, the rizz, the figurative middle fingers and the we're-better-than-you attitudes of this team ...

THEN ...

I also found some of it on Thursday night very ordinary. I've given Morris and Lohmann a lot of media love the past three years. And they are stars, and were again crucial to a statement-making win. But spare me the taunting and fake outrage.

IF ...

Matt Cottrell produced Piano Man on his harmonica after round 15 ...

THEN ...

surely he's got to stick with a Billy Joel song should the Blues beat the Eagles on Saturday. With the renowned yet regularly misplaced Blues' supporters arrogance ever so slowly creeping back into play, there might even be a fan request for Big Shot.

IF ...

Fly reckons the Pies' list has been "examined" and "judged" like no other list ...

THEN ...

Ross The Boss says hi. And Fly, this is Collingwood. Since the invention of media, Collingwood has always got overs, and always will.

IF ...

Essendon is going to do Essendon, with Welshy desperate for an Essendon person to be the next Essendon coach ...

THEN ...

Matthew Lloyd must be given very serious consideration. Llordo is as Essendon as Hirdy. Started at the Bombers as a 16-year-old, rejected multiple massive offers to play elsewhere, booted 926 goals in 15 seasons in the famous red and black, for eighth place on the all-time AFL goalkicking list. And lined up against interim coach Solly, I reckon Llordo's coaching credentials, which include 10-plus years of coaching in the Victorian private school system, where he has mentored, nurtured and coached-against dozens of elite footballers now dominating the AFL landscape, stacks up very nicely. Surely Welshy at least asks the question.

IF ...

Plan A always had a Luke Jackson-Sean Darcy ruck combo ...

THEN ...

zero surprise Mason Cox has been axed for Sunday's match against Gold Coast. The Dockers always planned a flag assault with Jackson and Darcy. Cox could yet be part of a premiership. But at the moment he is merely the insurance policy.

IF ...

Chris Scott wants to go and play golf in the USA during the bye period ...

THEN ...

good on him. What a fantastic idea. I'm jealous. Hope he's able to catch a World Cup soccer game, too. And maybe an old-school rock gig on Sunset Strip, a surf at Santa Monica, a hike through Runyon Canyon and a cheeky Napa Valley pinot noir at the Beverley Hills Hotel back bar.

IF ...

Paul Curtis copped three weeks for an accident in a tackle ...

THEN ...

Sam Clohesy can consider himself fortunate in receiving a two-match ban for his crude tackle on Hawk Cameron Nairn.

IF ...

Max Gruzewski covets a regular key forward slot in this Giants team ...

THEN ...

with Jesse Hogan again out injured, he gets another chance to stake that claim. Gruzewski has been more than OK this year, with 14 goals from eight games, including six from the two wins the Giants had against Brisbane and Melbourne in rounds 11 and 12, before Hogan replaced him in the past two matches, losses against St Kilda and Carlton.

IF ...

the contract-leveraging planets beautifully aligned for Sam Mitchell back in 2021 when he was offered the Collingwood job, which he used to pitchfork himself over Clarko into the Hawks' senior coach role ...

THEN ...

it's interesting that the man who offered him that Collingwood position, Graham Wright, is again trying to find a new coach, this time at Carlton. And then there's Tassie. He ain't going anywhere, Mitch, but his financial universe is in perfect formation.

IF ...

I still can't get a proper read on Jacob van Rooyen ...

THEN ...

with 24 goals for the season, he's still tracking more than OK. Returns of six, three, five and three goals from the 14 matches he's played, along with six other games where he was goalless. Hope he finds some consistency.

IF ...

the bottom four rungs on the ladder are filled by Essendon, Richmond, West Coast and Port Adelaide ...

THEN ...

how very fortunate that North gets to play those teams twice this year as part of the six double-up matches, and even more so on the second occasions in consecutive weekends, rounds 14-17, as it makes a play for the wildcard weekend.

IF ...

I gave it to Jake Waterman in this column last week for his wayward kicking at goal ...

THEN ...

it's only fair that I also give it to one of my favourites, and the player I tipped to win the Coleman Medal in 2026, Mitch Georgiades. Come on, Mitch. You could have nearly had one hand on that medal! 31.34 should have been at least 44.21!

IF ...

Adem Yze this week said the Tigers were a "destination club" ...

THEN ...

no they're not. Not right now, anyway. Right now, they are an unsellable mess. In 60 matches over three seasons under Yze, the Tigers have won just nine matches. It's not all his fault, obviously, and he deserves, and will be given the right, to coach in 2028. But regular and heavy losses eventually get you.

IF ...

the Saints have won just six of 15 matches in 2026 and only against teams below them on the ladder (GWS - twice, Port Adelaide, West Coast, Carlton - pre Frase Phase – and Richmond) ...

THEN ...

like North Melbourne, they've been handed a favourable fixture in the back-up games. Even at 6-9, might still weirdly push for a Wildcard.

IF ...

the Swans were 'off' on Thursday night at the Gabba ...

THEN ...

no need to panic. Yet. Dogs, Dockers, Crows the next three opponents. All tough assignments. But they'll start favourites in their final five home-and-away fixtures (Giants, Saints, Power, Bombers, Roos). So top two still looks very likely. And most importantly, The Chad is back in the All-Australian team mix.

IF ...

Duursma, McCarthy and Graham are nice ins and give the Eagles some form of hope against the resurgent Blues on Saturday ...

THEN ...

Kelly's absence through injury is problematic. Been playing well, Kelly, after a few years in the footy wilderness.

IF ...

Buku Khamis has had a torrid season playing key back for the Bulldogs ...

THEN ...

it was great to see him produce probably the best game of his career last Sunday. Kept Flyin' Ryan, who had booted 11 goals in his previous two matches, goalless, and beautifully backed himself in every contest.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the AFL has been known to occasionally repurpose an idea from another sport ...

THEN ...

surely it won't copy the "hydration breaks" unveiled in the soccer World Cup. Then again, that would mean more ads, which means more dollars.