IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2022 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

IF ...

I was critical of Mark Ricciuto for his "they can't kick, they can't handball, they can't kick a goal" assessment of his own team on his own radio show before the round three Showdown ...

THEN ...

I was wrong. There was method to the Crows' football director's madness. The four matches since have been rippers – three wins (against a Grand Finalist and preliminary finalist of 2021, and the 2020 premier) and a four-point loss to Essendon. Even more importantly, they've been great to watch.

IF ..

the Sunday twilight fixture on some weekends can be a bit ho-hum, yeah-nah, not necessary to watch ...

THEN ...

not this week! Get yourself to the SCG or in front of a big screen. Lions v Swans. Let's see who is best placed to face Melbourne in the Toyota AFL Grand Final.

IF ...

there are higher-profile players than Jack Silvagni at Carlton ...

THEN ...

there aren't too many more important. Back after injury for Saturday's game against North Melbourne. Can kick goals, can play mid, can perform run-with roles, and will again need to provide cover in the ruck, this time for De Koning after the absence of Pittonet.

IF ...

Aker's handstand, Charlie's motorbike-rev, Levi's double cobra, Xavier's bow-and-arrow and Rhys' shotgun have all been celebrated signature moves ...

THEN ...

Jack Ginnivan's shoosh might just about be my all-time favourite. It was as perfect as the goal he'd just kicked.

IF ...

by 2022 standards the Bombers' Anzac Day efforts were OK ...

THEN ...

they were still a long way short of pre-season expectations, given they weren't even good enough to beat the rebuilding Magpies. 

IF ...

one of this club's most famous moments occurred at the Cattery nine years ago ...

THEN ...

no reason another big Dockers moment can't occur at the same venue in round seven, 2022. This mob is ready for a big showing, even without the injured Darcy and Taberner. 

IF ...

Jez and Tom even for a second think this week's opposition defenders from Fremantle will be the pushovers that last week's were (North Melbourne) ...

THEN ...

reality will hit early. Pearce, Ryan, Cox, Logue (and Chapman, though he's not playing this week) – there's a lot to like.

IF ...

there have been more than a few underwhelming performers for the Suns over the years ...

THEN ...

not Jarrod Witts. A leader in every sense.

IF ...

last week's game against St Kilda was said to be the last chance for finals ...

THEN ...

this Saturday's versus Adelaide most certainly is. Jesse Hogan returning is a positive.

IF ...

the Hawks led 32-0 in the first quarter last round against the Swans and were still in front nearly halfway through the final quarter ...

THEN ...

for Sam Mitchell there's a fair bit to work with, even if his team was 41 points in arrears at the final siren.

IF ...

opponents seemingly can't get near them these days ...

THEN ...

the only way the Demons may lose in 2022 is through a West Coast-style COVID outbreak, or a continuation of the diabolical kicking for goal in round six, where a scoreline of 9.22 was still way too much for the Tigers.

IF ...

Callum Coleman-Jones' start to his career as a Roo has been disappointing ...

THEN ...

it won't matter if he uses this weekend's recall as a restart. With the Blues minus Pittonet, he gets the perfect chance.

IF ...

a lot hasn't worked at Port in 2022 ...

THEN ...

Ryan Burton most certainly has. Been under siege down back at times, but has stood up very well.

IF ...

I was running Richmond ...

THEN ...

I'd be playing Dusty on Friday night against the Eagles. Yes, he's very underdone. But he's Dusty. And the Tigers can't afford another loss.

IF ...

Marshall is out but Ryder is in ...

THEN ...

that's far from ideal, but it's still a net win. There is a resilience to the Saints this year, evidenced in the two most recent wins (v GWS and Gold Coast) without Ryder. And Tom Campbell, the 30-year-old, 11-season, three-club journeyman, will be playing his 55th, and first as a Saint.

IF ...

footy players were listed on the ASX ...

THEN ...

I'm buying all of the Chad Warner stock.

IF ...

the COVID issues which have effectively ruined the Eagles' season before it even started had been inflicted upon, say, a Richmond, Geelong, Collingwood, Carlton, even St Kilda or Brisbane ...

THEN ...

I reckon there would have been a far greater industry-wide outcry. West Coast has publicly handled this matter with near-unbelievable class.

IF ...

at the completion of the 2022 season the club was to release a statement saying the Bont was carrying injuries to an ankle, knee, hip, shoulder and back ...

THEN ...

I won't be surprised. Without any medical expertise, something is just not right, not that he'd ever want us to factor that in to any judgements made on form.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

you take your minds back to the days coming out of round five and leading into round six ...

THEN ...

listening to some weirdly worked-up commentators bemoaning the crackdown on player dissent it seemed a genuine chance the sun wasn't going to rise on at least one day of the week. Have seen a lot of unnecessary outrage in footy. This saga arguably produced the greatest dose of it.