THE GODS MUST BE CRAZY
Or to put it another way...
TEN OUT OF TEN
When people think of tablets they usually think of one man.
No, not everybody’s favourite West Coast Eagle (shame on you for thinking that!)
I am of course talking about Moses.
It is a little known fact that Moses was a hardcore Magpie fan.
It is no better highlighted than in the book of Exodus.
“Who made thee a prince and a judge over us?” – an obvious reference to Mike Sheahan. Or this:
“I have been a stranger in a strange land.” – what Collingwood supporter hasn’t felt this at some time. Or was Moses in fact referring to Marty Clarke or the time Shane Wakelin played forward?
It’s also a little known fact that when Moses returned from his hike up Mount Sinai not only did he bring back the tablets containing the Ten Commandments but he also brought back the very first Football Record!
Whilst many historians have disputed this claim over the years the fact is you don’t see it in almost all of the depictions of Moses because it was, of course, rolled up and tucked into his back pocket just like any normal football fan.
What is even more interesting though is that the first Football Record also contained Footy’s Ten Commandments!
Long since thought to have been lost forever, I’m pleased to announce Hot Potato managed to buy an exclusive copy of them from some bloke on ebay!
And here they are!!!
FOOTY’S TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. FROM ROUND 10 ONWARDS A TEAM “WILL BE PLAYING FOR ITS SEASON” EACH WEEK.
The Saints, despite being currently out of the 8 on percentage, actually lost a game a few weeks ago when they were allegedly “playing for their season”.
2. MICHAEL VOSS MUST BE LINKED TO EVERY POSSIBLE COACHING JOB IN THE AFL.
Except, of course, Richmond. Only a mad man would want to coach them.
3. LEIGH MATTHEWS WILL ONLY GET “CONFUSED” WATCHING FOOTBALL GAMES WHEN THE JUMPER CLASH INVOLVES COLLINGWOOD.
Apparently, given his silence on the issue, he had no problem with last Friday’s West Coast/Bulldogs game where both teams wore royal blue tops and royal blue socks!
4. ALL FOOTBALL CLUB INJURY REPORTS WILL BE TRUTHFUL.
Originally quoted as “two weeks”, James Clement’s calf took so long it became a cow!
5. HOME GROUND ADVANTAGE WILL NOT BE AN ISSUE (EVEN IN FINALS) UNLESS IT IS COLLINGWOOD’S HOME GROUND ADVANTAGE.
Think Geelong.
6. ALL TEAMS THAT ARE DECLARED “THE REAL DEAL” BY MEDIA PUNDITS MUST LOSE THE FOLLOWING WEEK.
Never mind the Pies, I thought the Bullies were meant to be “the best team in Victoria”.
7. ANY COACH OR PLAYER TO BE SACKED OR RETIRE AFTER AT LEAST 100 GAMES MUST HAVE THEIR EPITATH INCLUDE THESE WORDS – “AN END OF AN ERA.”
You can be sure that a million years from now archaeologists will marvel over the “Sheedy era”.
8. ALL TEAMS DOWN THE LOWER END OF THE LADDER MUST HAVE THEIR RECRUITING QUESTIONED.
Richmond isn’t crap because they have recruited poorly. They are crap because they are crap.
9. NOBODY SHALL EVER UNDERSTAND THE UMPIRING INCLUDING THE UMPIRES THEMSELVES.
And finally:
10. ALL TEAMS WHO WIN THE GAME AFTER THEIR COACH GETS SACKED WILL HAVE “LIFTED FOR (INSERT SACKED COACH NAME HERE)”
Unless of course they lose.
Please note: the views expressed in the above article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Collingwood Football Club or employees of the club. The Collingwood Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of its supporters who contribute to collingwoodfc.com.au.
Or to put it another way...
TEN OUT OF TEN
When people think of tablets they usually think of one man.
No, not everybody’s favourite West Coast Eagle (shame on you for thinking that!)
I am of course talking about Moses.
It is a little known fact that Moses was a hardcore Magpie fan.
It is no better highlighted than in the book of Exodus.
“Who made thee a prince and a judge over us?” – an obvious reference to Mike Sheahan. Or this:
“I have been a stranger in a strange land.” – what Collingwood supporter hasn’t felt this at some time. Or was Moses in fact referring to Marty Clarke or the time Shane Wakelin played forward?
It’s also a little known fact that when Moses returned from his hike up Mount Sinai not only did he bring back the tablets containing the Ten Commandments but he also brought back the very first Football Record!
Whilst many historians have disputed this claim over the years the fact is you don’t see it in almost all of the depictions of Moses because it was, of course, rolled up and tucked into his back pocket just like any normal football fan.
What is even more interesting though is that the first Football Record also contained Footy’s Ten Commandments!
Long since thought to have been lost forever, I’m pleased to announce Hot Potato managed to buy an exclusive copy of them from some bloke on ebay!
And here they are!!!
FOOTY’S TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. FROM ROUND 10 ONWARDS A TEAM “WILL BE PLAYING FOR ITS SEASON” EACH WEEK.
The Saints, despite being currently out of the 8 on percentage, actually lost a game a few weeks ago when they were allegedly “playing for their season”.
2. MICHAEL VOSS MUST BE LINKED TO EVERY POSSIBLE COACHING JOB IN THE AFL.
Except, of course, Richmond. Only a mad man would want to coach them.
3. LEIGH MATTHEWS WILL ONLY GET “CONFUSED” WATCHING FOOTBALL GAMES WHEN THE JUMPER CLASH INVOLVES COLLINGWOOD.
Apparently, given his silence on the issue, he had no problem with last Friday’s West Coast/Bulldogs game where both teams wore royal blue tops and royal blue socks!
4. ALL FOOTBALL CLUB INJURY REPORTS WILL BE TRUTHFUL.
Originally quoted as “two weeks”, James Clement’s calf took so long it became a cow!
5. HOME GROUND ADVANTAGE WILL NOT BE AN ISSUE (EVEN IN FINALS) UNLESS IT IS COLLINGWOOD’S HOME GROUND ADVANTAGE.
Think Geelong.
6. ALL TEAMS THAT ARE DECLARED “THE REAL DEAL” BY MEDIA PUNDITS MUST LOSE THE FOLLOWING WEEK.
Never mind the Pies, I thought the Bullies were meant to be “the best team in Victoria”.
7. ANY COACH OR PLAYER TO BE SACKED OR RETIRE AFTER AT LEAST 100 GAMES MUST HAVE THEIR EPITATH INCLUDE THESE WORDS – “AN END OF AN ERA.”
You can be sure that a million years from now archaeologists will marvel over the “Sheedy era”.
8. ALL TEAMS DOWN THE LOWER END OF THE LADDER MUST HAVE THEIR RECRUITING QUESTIONED.
Richmond isn’t crap because they have recruited poorly. They are crap because they are crap.
9. NOBODY SHALL EVER UNDERSTAND THE UMPIRING INCLUDING THE UMPIRES THEMSELVES.
And finally:
10. ALL TEAMS WHO WIN THE GAME AFTER THEIR COACH GETS SACKED WILL HAVE “LIFTED FOR (INSERT SACKED COACH NAME HERE)”
Unless of course they lose.
Please note: the views expressed in the above article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the Collingwood Football Club or employees of the club. The Collingwood Football Club would like to acknowledge the tireless work of its supporters who contribute to collingwoodfc.com.au.
