STRAP yourselves in, footy fans - Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is back in full swing for 2026. 

With the 2026 Toyota AFL Premiership Season underway, Damo's got plenty of thoughts about all 18 clubs - and the AFL.

So what is he saying about your team? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> ALL THE LATEST NEWS AND OPINION FROM DAMIAN BARRETT

IF ...

the Crows' scoreline in '26 now reads WLLLW ...

THEN ...

they're kind of on track. The three losses, by a combined 16 points to Grand Final aspirants Dogs, Cats and Dockers. Two wins, v Pies and Blues. Did what they had to do on Thursday night against Carlton to open Gather Round '26. Still unsure whether they're any good, as in Grand Final good.

IF ..

the Lions won the 2024 and 2025 premierships without Kiddy Coleman ...

THEN ...

now that this beautifully moving athlete is fully recovered from injury, there is zero reason to believe they won't be back for an attempt at the three-peat. He's like a well-kept, old V8 Corvette. Just purrs, and always looks to be cruising.

IF ...

yet another loss was the outcome of a Blues match on Thursday night ...

THEN ...

it was very clearly the best Blues performance of the five they've played this year. 28 points in arrears against the Crows, but there was some genuine steel and fight right to the end. Re-produce that, and some wins will belatedly come.

IF ...

football's most famous calf can survive a fitness test at Adelaide Oval under Friday night lights ...

THEN ...

don't underestimate the heavily underdog Pies' chances against the Dockers. There is daylight between Daicos' importance to Collingwood to that of any other AFL player's importance to his club.

IF ...

it was Melbourne hotspot restaurant Gimlet that was Alexandra Merrett's very deliberately public go-to option after seeing enough of husband Zach and his Bombers in the first half of last Sunday's game against Western Bulldogs, when they were one goal against 10 ...

THEN ...

she's probably arranged tentative bookings at Fugazzi and Gaucho's for roughly 3pm Saturday. Just to keep options open after half-time of Essendon's Adelaide Oval match against Melbourne.

IF ...

you are not properly familiar with the football work of Murphy Reid ...

THEN ...

make sure you're in front of a TV for Gather Round's Friday night lights match, and watch The Next Very Big Thing strut his stuff against Collingwood. This guy is built for Friday nights.

IF ...

a non-key position forward is capable of kicking 41 and 37 goals in consecutive seasons ...

THEN ...

he's got above average ability. Thought Ollie Henry was tracking very nicely after the 2023 and 2024 seasons, his first two as a Cat, after two years as a Pie. Not sure what happened last year, where he struggled in 15 matches for just 14 goals. His three goals against the Hawks last Monday reminded us of his talents. I'm backing him to still reach the heights that were forecast when he entered the AFL as a first round draft selection in 2020 national draft.

IF ...

Matt Rowell's first game for the season was very unlike Matt Rowell ...

THEN ...

just remember: the true champions don't play two bad ones in a row.

IF ...

the ins for Sunday's match against the beleaguered Tigers are Buckley, Cadman, Daniels and Bedford ...

THEN ...

the Giants suddenly once again look OK, on paper at least.

IF ...

the shortest player on the Hawks' list, The Wizard, is already tracking to be one of the game's very good, and possibly great, players ...

THEN ...

the tallest player on the Hawks' list is tracking very nicely to re-establish himself as a key cog in this side's flag hopes. There were All-Points Bulletins issued for Ned Reeves the past two seasons, where he was seen at senior level on just five occasions. Back in the ones to work alongside Lloyd Meek in 2026 after the Hawks were upset by the Giants in Opening Round. Hawks unbeaten since.

IF ...

you go back to the 2009 national draft, where Jakey Melksham was taken at No.10 by the Bombers ...

THEN ...

you’ll see there are only three players from that draft still in the AFL. Melksham, big Maxxy (pick 34) and Jack Gunston (29). And a week after he was a matchwinner in a game in which big Maxxy and Tom McDonald both reached the 250-match milestone, Melksham too gets to that super milestone. A huge well done.

IF ...

Tristan Xerri and Finn O'Sullivan were available to play against Brisbane on Saturday, and had Andrews (back, after a three-game suspension) and McCluggage (back after a calf tear) not been available to play for the Lions ...

THEN ...

the Roos might have been a sneaky chance of pushing the mighty winner of the past two flags. Would've loved to see O'Sullivan go up against Will Ashcroft.

IF ...

I've been on Zak Butters Kicking A Goal Watch since late last season ...

THEN ...

I'm still on watch. Hasn't been able to jag one in his past 28 matches - the final four games of 2025, 20 in 2025 and the opening four of 2026. It's the only thing he doesn't do as an elite midfielder. And to me, it's a cause for pause on the $2 million-plus offers, times seven and eight years, that are being put to his management by seemingly every Victorian club.

IF ...

the Tigers have entered the race for Zak Butters ...

THEN ...

they'd better start winning matches. He's not going to a club that has won just seven of its past 50.

IF ...

it was the great Saint player Danny Frawley, who when coaching Richmond, once produced an air compressor above his head in a team meeting and asked, "what am I?", to which he answered when no-one else had a clue what he was on about, with: "I'm under the pump" ...

THEN ...

Ross The Boss might need a similar prop next week should the Saints lose the Gather Round closer on Sunday night to the underdog Port Adelaide. Wouldn't want to slump to 1-4.

IF ...

Brodie Grundy shared All-Australian ruck honours with big Maxxy in both the 2018 and 2019 teams ...

THEN ...

he's setting himself up very nicely in 2026 for an All-Australian return and green jacket reunion with Maxxy.

IF ...

you had to check the West Coast score (4.11) against the Swans' (24.19) last week ...

THEN ...

that was one thing to check. The main issue that needed checking was the reality one that came in that 128-point loss. The gains in consecutive wins in rounds two and three against North Melbourne and Port Adelaide all but evaporated.

IF ...

there's no English and a doubt on Richards, who has been surprisingly selected after missing last weekend with a knee injury ...

THEN ...

The Bont is still there. He always is. And when he's there, absolutely anything is possible, including an upset win against Hawthorn on Saturday night at Adelaide Oval. Still the standout best in the comp, by a very, very long way. Has been since 2019.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

I've long argued the AFL process for match infringements is archaic ...

THEN ...

here is Exhibit A for the 2026 season. Will Hayward makes contact with George Wardlaw in a game on a Friday. The MRO says it's a one-week ban on Saturday. On Tuesday, we're off to the tribunal. Lawyers run amok for 90 minutes about what is and what isn't supposedly fair contact. The tribunal panel then needs another 60 minutes to thrash out whether the contact was worth a suspension. After those 60 minutes, it deems Hayward's split-second action was worthy of a one-match ban. Had Hayward and the Blues wanted to appeal this decision, an appeals tribunal would have been convened. Where another set of lawyers and another set of tribunal members would have likely meandered through another two and a half hours of words and more words, all over a split-second action in a game of footy. Carlton was always scheduled to play Thursday night in round five, so that appeals tribunal would've been held the day before that game, five days after Hayward, in a football act, made contact with an opponent. This ridiculously convoluted process has to stop.