IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

the Crows have officially played in three Grand Finals – 1997, 1998 and 2017 ...

THEN ...

Saturday night for Showdown 54 needs to be treated internally as another one. Have disappointingly let a promising season slip away. But if they win this …

IF ..

replacing the ACL-damaged Will Ashcroft in the Lions' midfield is likely to be a multi-pronged approach ...

THEN ...

expect Cam Rayner, who missed a season himself with an ACL rupture in 2021, to be a prominent part of it. Rayner possesses the explosive traits required in all dynamic midfield groups, and even if used sparingly as an Ashcroft replacement in on-ball capacity, could emerge as this club’s X-Factor in finals.

IF ...

you're not a Carlton supporter ...

THEN ...

you probably won't care for it under Friday night lights against Collingwood. But there's gonna be a guaranteed late-season, competition-wide adrenaline shot in the event of a Blues win. Walsh out, but Cripps back. And Charlie back on the stage on which he was born to play. Can't wait to see how this five-win resurgence stacks up against the very best.

IF ...

long-term contracts often prove problematic ...

THEN ...

not the ones being prepared for the signatures of the Daicos boys. Nick, already contracted for 2024 and 2025, and poised to win a Brownlow in 2023, is about to be formally presented with a deal which will take in the 2029 season. It will rightly be the biggest deal ever signed. Josh, already signed for 2024, will also deservedly get a contract covering at least the same time frame, and maybe one more year on top, potentially all the way through to 2030. The already dramatic Daicos-Collingwood script now poised to proceed down the legend narrative.

IF ...

the Blues can't come to terms with Jack Silvagni ...

THEN ...

the Bombers, and many others, will become increasingly interested on-lookers.

IF ...

you finish a season in 15th place ...

THEN ...

you get pick No.4 in the national draft. Oh yeah. Oops. Not this draft.

IF ...

the Cats on Saturday wanted to rouse themselves into a frenzy at home against the dreadfully lacklustre Dockers ...

THEN ...

this match could very easily get out to a three-figure margin.

IF ...

the coach was lopped after a couple of negative media pieces so quickly two weeks ago ...

THEN ...

surely those who made that decision have spent the past fortnight applying the same scrutiny and accountability to themselves. It's soooo easy to sack a coach and just move on as though nothing else was wrong.

IF ...

in early 2020 Sam Taylor worryingly went from playing in a big win against Collingwood to being in so much pain that same night to being on a drip for a month and to not being able to walk properly for several more months ...

THEN ...

with every match he plays we get to add another layer of respect and appreciation for what he has been through. An extraordinary talent. The CHB in last year's All-Australian team, and even with just 11 games played to this point of 2023, is deserving of being considered to retain a spot.

IF ...

one of the purest measures of a footballer is an ability to perform in good and bad teams ...

THEN ...

Luke Breust has very few peers. In the Hawks' Grand Final seasons of 2012-15, Breust booted 45, 40, 57 and 52 goals. Now in his 13th season, is very nicely on track to again reach 40 for the year, which would be the eighth time he had achieved that feat.

IF ...

Brodie Grundy is wearing Demons colours in 2024 ...

THEN ...

nah, he won't be. The project has been abandoned. A third club in three years coming up for the two-time All-Australian. The one which wears teal, black and white already very interested.

IF ...

there are way too many problems with this football club ...

THEN ...

Luke Davies-Uniacke is not one of them. Has unfortunately missed a lot of footy this year with injury, but in the 11 games he has played, particularly during last Sunday's loss to St Kilda, he has been, at times, outstanding.

IF ...

it's not just a rivalry with the Crows, but more a hatred ...

THEN ...

one way to enhance that status would be to put the Crows out of their sporting misery this season and eliminate any hope they may still retain of making finals.

IF ...

the Tigers don't enquire of Chris Scott's senior assistant coaches Nigel Lappin and Shaun Grigg as part of their Replace-Dimma project ...

THEN ...

I'll be very surprised. Lappin may not want to do it, Grigg may not quite be ready. But both worth a call, if those calls haven't already been made.

IF ...

the person in charge of shutting the Marvel Stadium roof on Sunday has any sense of theatre ...

THEN ...

he or she will leave it open until the first bounce. Would love to see Ross The Boss's reaction! But even more keen to see Ross' plans for Hawk James Sicily. Last time Saints and Hawks met, in round 11, the Hawks skipper turbo-charged his team to a big win with 43 disposals, and a match-controlling 16 marks. Ross The Boss's plan for Sic this will make or break the Saints' day, and maybe season.

IF ...

The Chad in 2023 hasn't reached anywhere near the heights of 2022 ...

THEN ...

I haven't had nearly as much content in which to talk and write about the Swans! But it's a mere blip on The Chad's career radar. Started the year OK but like his team faded badly at times, and has been injured too. With some huge-stake matches to come in the Swans' belated push for finals, expect him to return to the BOG conversations.

IF ...

the Eagles can't fire a shot at home against the equally woeful North Melbourne on Sunday ...

THEN ...

that will be the footy equivalent of the dreaded Monopoly card: 'Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200.' And I've somehow tipped the Eagles, I must be going crazy.

IF ...

you go back to the 2021 finals series and early phases of 2022 ...

THEN ...

Bailey Smith had emerged as one of the biggest names in the game. AFL suspensions for an on-field headbutt and an off-field indiscretion clearly rattled him for the latter part of last year, and his impact in 2023 had also been minimal. But there were signs in round 19's big win against Essendon that he might be back. I hope so. The game is better when he’s in true rock star mode.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the demands for priority national draft assistance from North Melbourne and West Coast will be coming hard in coming weeks ...

THEN ...

the AFL needs to say a firm, "No". It is high time for this practice to be ended, forever. Development, and some other major aspects of coaching, are greater problems that no number of high picks will fix.