WITH the 2022 Toyota AFL Premiership season up and running, naturally, Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is also up and about.

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

one of the relatively few positives in 2022 has been Tex Walker's form ...

THEN ...

one of the many negatives has been that Tex is still crucial to proceedings.

AFL REWIND Rewatch the thrilling Crows-Pies clash from R13, 2001

IF ..

two of the past three matches have been lost (to Hawthorn and Fremantle) ...

THEN ...

Joe Daniher's return, against the Saints on Saturday night, for the first time since round seven, is a godsend. 

IF ...

Harry McKay and Jack Martin are back for Friday night lights ...

THEN ...

the Blues won't be losing. Too many forward line dimensions against the Bombers.

IF ...

you look up 'great mysteries of the world' ...

THEN ...

you'll see the question: 'who killed JFK?', a reference to the Loch Ness monster, a lot of queries about the Bermuda Triangle, and a new entry … 'how did Collingwood lose to West Coast in round 4, 2022?'

06:56 Mins
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Highlights: Collingwood v West Coast

The Magpies and Eagles clash in round four

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AFL REWIND Rewatch the thrilling Crows-Pies clash from R13, 2001

IF ...

this club has done one thing well this year ...

THEN ...

it is talk. Talk about 'we're on the right track'. Embarrassing talk about sweeping reviews, then even more embarrassing not-so-sweeping reviews. Talk about how it should've 'flown the flag' on-field. It is good at talking. Let's see how good it is at action. Friday night lights. Versus Carlton. 150th birthday gala celebrations on Saturday. No excuses.

IF ...

the biggest problem at this club is how to best re-introduce to the mix a player who has won two Brownlow Medals, three All-Australian jackets - including one with the captaincy title sewn into the lapel - and three best and fairests ...

THEN ...

let's face it, at 9-3 and with consecutive wins over the two teams leading premierships markets, there aren't any problems.

IF ...

the Cats have stuck with their controlled tempo style of game but have added a faster, riskier element to it ...

THEN ...

that's going to make them very, very, very dangerous. A massive flag hope.

IF ...

he's not your obvious All-Australian player ...

THEN ...

I'm gonna mount the case. Sam Collins. Gun.

IF ...

Haynes and Whitfield are among the ins ...

THEN ...

the Giants' fourth win of the season will be arriving on Sunday afternoon, against the Roos.

Nick Haynes marks the ball during the R9 clash between GWS and Carlton on May 15, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

the Hawks have beaten the Cats and the Lions but have lost to Essendon ...

THEN ...

that's a mind-boggler.

Hawthorn players walk off after losing to Essendon in round eight, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

the previous time massive headlines were placed over the fighting actions of footballers (Tigers Sydney Stack and Callum Coleman-Jones) after a boozy night out on the town saw the words, 'kebab', 'strip joint' and 'Surfers Paradise' ...

THEN ...

there was a change of narrative this week (Steven May, Jake Melksham) with 'posh French restaurant', 'wagyu steak frites' and 'Chateauneuf-du-Pape'. The 2020 incident didn't impact on the Tigers' recipe for success – they defended their premiership in the year in question. The Melbourne incident may be a kitchen nightmare.

Steven May after the loss to Fremantle in round 11 on May 28, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

you're going to name Jackson Archer among the extended interchange options ...

THEN ...

no point in doing that unless you actually pick him in the final team.

IF ...

it was a very gutsy performance on Thursday night against the Tigers and the rub of the green may have been against them ...

THEN ...

all it actually does is highlight the myriad problems attached to the 0-5 start. Zero wriggle room then. Even less now.

Travis Boak looks dejected after the R13 clash between Port Adelaide and Richmond at the MCG on June 9, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

it was an ugly slog against Port Adelaide on Thursday night ...

THEN ...

who cares? Five wins from the past six. Not one team will look forward to playing the Tigers in the finals. And they will definitely be there to play.

IF ...

both Jack Higgins and Dan Butler are the ins for the Saturday night match against Brisbane ...

THEN ...

that's clearly where the Saints see this match being won. Classy, small forwards.

00:47 Mins
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Jack bursts out of the box with fourth goal

Jack Higgins continued his brilliant outing with this running finish his fourth of the day

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IF ...

the legend of Maverick remains as big in 2022 as it was in 1986 ...

THEN ...

so too is the legend of Buddy, 18 seasons after he started. Some are questioning his impact and role. Not me. Even after all this time, still the Top Gun.

IF ...

the Eagles have the bye this week ...

THEN ...

it's a weekend without a loss.

IF ...

the pre-bye part of the 2022 season has been tough ...

THEN ...

the start of the post-bye patch will be even tougher. No Bailey Smith, the Dogs' best player to this point of the year. Club and individual fortunate he's out for only two weeks. Headbutts should be four.

01:14 Mins
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Like Cats and Dogs: Smith reported for headbutt as tempers flare

There were fireworks at the three-quarter time break with Bailey Smith and Zach Tuohy involved in this heated incident

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AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

the Tassie licence was looking good back in March ...

THEN ...

at best, it's only line-ball now.