IF Grumpy Ross has morphed into Cuddly Ross ... THEN

IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors is in full swing for 2023 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on, strap yourselves in and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT 

IF ...

there's a bit of flat-track bully about the Crows in 2023 with just one win coming on the road ...

THEN ...

that perception will disappear if they beat Collingwood at the MCG after the bye. Their best is very good, I just want to see it away from Adelaide Oval.

IF ..

it had become obvious that the form of Jack Gunston and Daniel Rich meant they were not deserving of a place in the Lions' team ...

THEN ...

it says a lot of Chris Fagan that he was prepared to make the tough call and at the same time wrap his arms around the duo. A long way back for Gunston and Rich given the 2023 season has passed its halfway point, but the proud warriors have been given circuit-breakers and will now enter intensive training programs which could still have them playing key roles in a Lions' flag push.

IF ...

I've ignored my own ultimatum at least four times in the past six weeks to never tip the Blues again ...

THEN ...

here I go one more time, in round 14. Carlton to beat Gold Coast on Sunday at the MCG. What's that they say about doing the same thing for the same result?

IF ...

captain-coaches haven't been seen since the early 1980s (in 1981, the dual roles were held by Malcolm Blight at North Melbourne, Alex Jesaulenko at St Kilda, and Kevin Sheedy thought about it, but refrained, at Essendon; and in 1980 Carl Ditterich performed both tasks at Melbourne) ...

THEN ...

Scott Pendlebury may be the closest dual operator we've seen since. While he recently officially relinquished captaincy after nine seasons, he remains an on-field coach and leader. And after this week agreeing to terms for at least a 19th season next year in the AFL, will get the chance to become just the sixth VFL/AFL player to reach 400 matches.

IF ...

the Bombers had managed seven wins from 12 matches without Peter Wright ...

THEN ...

no surprise they progressed to eight from 13 when he returned, with five goals against Carlton last weekend. One of the great comebacks after serious injury.

IF ...

Jaeger O'Meara's first seven weeks as a Docker were merely so-so ...

THEN ...

rounds eight to 11 were very good. His average disposals in those respective chunks of games went from 18 to 26, clearances from four to six-and-a-half. Dockers badly missed him after their bye in last week's loss to Richmond.

IF ...

the second half on Thursday night against Port looked bad ...

THEN ...

it WAS bad. But don't rule this team out of finals. There's enough pride and talent to still cause damage.

IF ...

it's been the midfield and forward line players who have received most of the positive headlines this season ...

THEN ...

the backline deserves a pump-up, too. Particularly Charlie Ballard, who has been brilliantly reading incoming balls, and hardman Sam Collins, who won the Suns' best-and-fairest in 2020.

IF ...

the Giants have been on a quest to "find the next Mummy" ...

THEN ...

Kieren Briggs is at least looming as an option. Had only nine games on his CV before this year, and then wasn't seen until round 10. But that game and three since have been really good, Shane Mumford-like in their effect.

IF ...

the All-Australian centre half-back post had seemingly been Darcy Moore's for most of the first half of the season ...

THEN ...

James Sicily's extraordinary performances in his past two matches (v St Kilda, round 11 and Brisbane in round 13), on top of very solid form before that, have made things very interesting. As it stands, suspended for the next three matches, but heading to the Appeals Tribunal on Monday. An inaugural All-Aus jacket could be at stake.

IF ...

it was hamstring soreness plus a hospital stint due to an infected foot blister which has kept Clarry out for the past three matches ...

THEN ...

hope he gets through the Demons' bye period unscathed and returns for round 15 against the Cats. Had incredibly missed just one match – with a broken thumb – since his debut season in 2016 prior to this stint.

IF ...

a lot of rival clubs are interested in Ben McKay ...

THEN ...

the Swans and Power are among those which are very interested. I do constantly wonder of the toll of so many losses, with McKay experiencing a win from just seven (none this year, just one last year, and just one in his past 28 matches) of the 61 games he has played in eight seasons in the AFL.

IF ...

there’s been a better, more influential, more match-shaping 13-disposal performance than Sam Powell-Pepper's against Geelong on Thursday night ...

THEN ...

I can't recall it. So crucial to what this team is doing in this now-magical year.

IF ...

Brendon Gale was acting purely as Richmond CEO when outlining on Tuesday the developments around the serious WA police charges against Marlion Pickett ...

THEN ...

it may have doubled as another audition for the vacant AFL football operations role. Calm, measured, thoughtful, diplomatic, experienced, confident, hard, and always fair.

IF ...

massive change has come in the form of Grumpy Ross morphing into Cuddly Ross in 2023 ...

THEN ...

it's also great that a character trait from the former identity has been retained. That of being expansive and open in media appearances. Wish a dozen of his counterparts would try it, even occasionally.

IF ...

exposed form and the actual ladder suggest the season is dead ...

THEN ...

don't expect John Longmire to concede just yet. Not in his make-up to give up.

IF ...

the Eagles won a flag just five years ago ...

THEN ...

they do not deserve the right to even privately consider asking for national draft concessions. I'd place a blanket ban on the granting of draft assistance to any struggling club, as I was also against the provisions recently provided to North Melbourne, Gold Coast and Brisbane.

IF ...

there are many bigger surnames at Whitten Oval operations than Johannisen and Richards ...

THEN ...

in the context of how the Bulldogs want to play in 2023 there may not be many more important. Massive, long-term outs with soft tissue complaints.

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

I needed yet another example of the broken state of the AFL system overseeing match-day infringements ...

THEN ...

here it is: James Sicily tackled Hugh McCluggage on Saturday June 10. The officiating umpire, as part of the first set of 'AFL eyes' empowered to judge match incidents, rewarded Sicily with a free kick. The following day, Sunday June 11, the Match Review Office, the second panel of 'AFL eyes' assessed the Sicily tackle as worthy of a three-plus match sanction and sent it straight to the third set of 'AFL eyes', the AFL tribunal. Late on Tuesday night, June 13, the tribunal endorsed the MRO view, confirming the three-game ban. By this stage, one could cue the public outrage, some of it, as usual, fake and confected, but some of it coming from genuine football-loving experts. Just before the end of the working day on Wednesday June 14, the Hawks announced they would be taking the Sicily incident to the fourth set of 'AFL eyes', the AFL Appeals Tribunal, for yet one more assessment. But with Sicily on a break due to his club's bye and access to lawyers also problematic, the AFL Appeals Tribunal will not sit until Monday, June 19. So, round 14 will have passed before a tackle laid by a player nine days earlier has been filtered through the AFL system. Surely no one could reflect on this and attempt to argue it is world best practice.