| IF | THEN | |
| Adelaide | our man Tex can maintain the form he produced against the Tiges ... | ... the Crows make the finals. |
| Brisbane Lions | Stefan Martin demands a return to Victoria, and he is giving the prospect serious thought ... | ... Leuenberger should stay and would benefit from doing so. |
| Carlton | Yarran is at the Blues next year ... | ... it will be against all his wishes. |
| Collingwood | there's ever been better media manipulation of a scandal than those who controlled the Keeffe-Thomas drugs bust agenda ... | ... nah, there hasn't. After the initial contaminated-steaks-in-New-Zealand rubbish, this was PR spin at its absolute finest. |
| Essendon | James Hird encouraged his burnt-out captain to take off overseas, within the season ... | ...there was zero reason for him to be "flabbergasted" when his former friend Mark Thompson said the Bombers players were "mentally damaged" and "drowning" because of the drugs saga. |
| Fremantle | the Dockers make the business decision that is right in front of them this weekend ... | ... they tank, and lose to the Eagles. That would mean the Hawks have to travel to Perth for a qualifying final AND possibly a preliminary final. You know it makes sense, Ross. Are you prepared to go through with it?. |
| Geelong | we're going to make a bold prediction which could very easily come back to haunt us this weekend ... | ... it is that Stevie J will wind back the clock and snag five against the Hawks. Maybe six. |
| Gold Coast | Zac Smith is on this list next year ... | ... we will be flabbergasted. As in genuinely flabbergasted. Not James Hird-style flabbergasted. |
| Greater Western Sydney | we've been critical of this club's CEO in recent times, and we have ... | ... it's only fair that we offer praise when it's due. A very big well done, Dave Matthews, for courageously publicly calling it as it was on the farcical - disgraceful, even - AFL Tribunal decision to give Adam Cooney just one week. |
| Hawthorn | the first person selected for this team at each selection meeting is Luke Hodge ... | ... Shaun Burgoyne is probably second. |
| Melbourne | we've decided one thing after 19 rounds of the 2015 season ... | ... it is that Jesse Hogan is our new second favourite player in the entire comp. Nat Fyfe will take some catching though. |
| North Melbourne | Aaron Mullett can get a new contract (in a week where he is axed from the team) ... | ... surely, surely Brent Harvey can. The North people holding out on the little champ are looking really silly and inexplicably bitter right now. Time to end this standoff. Now. Before Boomer actually will explore the outside offers, which will come. |
| Port Adelaide | there's a man we are going to back to get himself out of a very messy situation ... | ... it is Ken Hinkley. Making the right noises and team moves this week as he regroups himself and re-positions his underperforming club. |
| Richmond | you picture Chris Yarran in a yellow and black guernsey ... | ... he looks very good and the Tigers look very, very good. |
| St Kilda | you picture Harley Bennell in a black, white and red guernsey ... | he too looks good, and the Saints look very, very good. |
| Sydney Swans | the Swans lose to Collingwood ... | ... we will know for sure they are cooked. But they won't . |
| West Coast | Jeremy McGovern's 'strings don't get fixed ... | ... there won't be any fairytales this year. |
| Western Bulldogs | Stefan Martin is added to this mix in 2016 ... | ... look out. Look. Out. |
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Follow Damian Barrett on Twitter: @barrettdamian
