NO CLUB and no one is safe as Damian Barrett takes off the gloves for his latest instalment of Sliding Doors.

So put your seatbelt on and put your mouthguard in as Damo gets to work.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you?

>> CLICK HERE TO READ MORE BARRETT  

Check it out below, and don't forget to catch the latest episode of AFL Daily while you're here.

IF ...

Himmelberg and Gollant each kicked four goals last week and Taylor Walker returns this week...

THEN ...

There's some goalkicking power with which to work against the Bombers.

Adelaide's Lachlan Gollant celebrates a goal during round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ..

Draper's hit on Ratugolea in round one was deemed OK for him to play the next week but McInerney's whack on Xerri last week adjudged worthy of a ban...

THEN ...

I'm very confused. And having said that, the most recent decision is the one that must become the "precedent" outcome.

Brisbane's Oscar McInerney and North Melbourne's Tristan Xerri contest the ruck during round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

NFTS are about to become all the rage in the AFL...

THEN ...

the Blues may as well seek to commercialise their lid as a digital asset, before that lid is blown sky high. New pres Luke Sayers, a very savvy businessman, will know how to commercialise it.

IF ...

The headlines written for Jordan De Goey stay football-based...

THEN ...

He has worked his way into a cannot-lose outcome with his own free agency. With gun teammate Darcy Moore re-contracted, the depth of talent on that list for 2022 sees De Goey, despite all his many problems, as the main man.

Collingwood's Jordan De Goey looks on after a loss during round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

it worked for Ash Hansen in round two and Jaymie Graham in round three...

THEN ...

Why not Blake Caracella in round four? COVID protocols-forced coaching changes. Far from ideal. But the understudies are getting roles that would otherwise not be presented, and they’re not missing a beat.

Essendon assistant Blake Caracella during an intraclub match at The Hangar on February 16, 2022. Picture: Getty Images

IF ...

Mundy and Darcy are back...

THEN ...

the Dockers should get to 3-1. And I'll still have no idea if they’re any good, as in finals-quality good.

Fremantle's Sean Darcy grapples with St Kilda's Rowan Marshall in a ruck contest during round two, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Mark O'Connor has been pitch-forked back into this team...

THEN ...

that's for one reason. And Lachie Neale is more than ready, in better nick than his Brownlow year of 2020.

Lachie Neale and Mark O'Connor grapple in round two, 2021. Picture: Getty Images

IF ...

Last week against the Giants was meant to be winnable...

THEN ...

this week against the Blues, at home, is too. But this team too often loses the winnable.

Gold Coast players look dejected after a loss during round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Tom Green has only got 27 matches to his name...

THEN ...

He plays as though there's 227 behind him. Sky. Limit.

Tom Green celebrates a goal with teammates during the round three clash between Greater Western Sydney and Gold Coast at Giants Stadium on April 2, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Jeff has regularly called out others to be accountable for certain actions and outcomes...

THEN ...

not for the first time Jeff doesn't feel the need to properly publicly address a controversial issue to which he is central. He managed to compile his contracted newspaper column, though. And in that column, even in this week of forced personal and club reflection, he again felt compelled to question others – the leaders of the major political parties – of failing to have "any commitment to genuine reform".

Jeff Kennett talks to fans during a Hawthorn training session on April 17, 2021. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

The Demons were scarily good throughout 2021...

THEN ...

they are scarily better in 2022. Trac had only 12 kicks on Thursday night, and Oliver just nine. And the team looked as in-sync as ever.

IF ...

Lots has gone wrong with the Roos in 2022...

THEN ...

one thing has gone more than OK. Tristan Xerri in the ruck. Progressing nicely.

Brisbane's Darcy Fort battles with North Melbourne's Tristan Xerri in R3, 2022

IF ...

The official deficit against Melbourne on Thursday was 32 points...

THEN ...

the unofficial one had a 1 in front of the 32.

00:59 Mins
Published on

The baffling blunder that sums up Port's night

A bad night gets worse for Port Adelaide after an opportunity for its first goal after almost three quarters is severely butchered

Published on

IF ...

The ins are Prestia and Riewoldt, and even if one of the outs is Grimes...

THEN ...

it is still a net gain. Particularly when the opposition injuries are to key backs Keath and Cordy.

Richmond's Jack Riewoldt in action at training on April 7, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

You boot three goals inside two and a half minutes in a round two game and four goals in the final quarter the week after, in performances that single-handedly win games of football...

THEN ...

you've officially arrived as the gun you were recruited to be. And Max King hasn’t even scratched the surface.

02:02 Mins
Published on

Unstoppable King gets Saints home with epic final term

Max King stands up for his team in the last quarter with a brilliant four-goal haul

Published on

IF ...

The last time the Swans played at the SCG saw the ashes of a deceased person scattered around the centre circle and a picnic rug spread out on the broadcast-side wing as thousands of fans gatecrashed the Buddy 1000-Goal-Party...

THEN ...

fair to say the atmosphere for Saturday's match against North Melbourne will by comparison fall very flat.

Lance Franklin swamped after kicking his 1000th goal on March 25, 2022. Picture: Michael Willson, AFL Photos

IF ...

New age problems such as COVID, and health and safety protocols attached to COVID, have already all but ruined the 2002 season for the Eagles with player availability...

THEN ...

right now, with a winnable game against Collingwood, they could do without some old fashioned footy injuries like ankle (Gaff) and calf (Petrevski-Seton).

A disappointed Andrew Gaff leads West Coast off the field after round one, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

The Bulldogs' own backline has been smashed with unavailability...

THEN ...

the same can be said for their opponents on Saturday night, the Tigers. The Bulldogs are well ahead in the midfield availability stakes, though, and that's where they usually live or die in a game of football.

The Western Bulldogs' Bailey Smith, Marcus Bontempelli and Adam Treloar celebrate a win during round three, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

The coaches believe that complaining about the use of the medical sub will see the AFL change the rule to allow discretionary use of the reserve player after three-quarter time...

THEN ...

they don't know how the AFL works. As clunky, and as potentially rortable the rule can be, there is zero chance of in-season change.