IT'S BACK ... Damian Barrett's Sliding Doors has returned for 2022 and no one and NO CLUB is safe.

So put your seatbelt on and enjoy the ride as Damo takes off the gloves and takes aim at your team.

So what is he saying about your club? What's he saying about the AFL? You can't say that, Damo, can you? Check it out below.

IF ...

scoring has become a major problem in the past five matches, where the 70-point mark hasn't been reached ...

THEN ...

Taylor Walker's absence for health protocols for a game against the Cats at the Cattery is another nightmare for the Crows.

IF ..

Hugh McCluggage has finished top three in the past three Lions' best and fairest counts ...

THEN ...

his form in the opening 10 rounds probably has him vying with Lachie Neale for the main prize this year. Unfortunate that a hamstring injury will keep him out this weekend.

00:29 Mins
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Star Lion subbed out with hammy issue

Hugh McCluggage has been subbed out with a hamstring complaint

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IF ...

you go back to Michael Voss versus Collingwood at the MCG ...

THEN ...

the ferocious and fair hit on Scott Burns, and other extraordinary heroics in the final quarter, of the 2002 GF are all-time AFL moments. On Sunday, it's Voss, Carlton coach, taking on the Pies. Bring it on.

03:09 Mins
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Fantastic Five: Michael Voss' best moments

An inspirational leader and brutal competitor, Michael Voss led arguably the greatest side of the modern era to three consecutive premierships in 2001, 2002 and 2003 at the Brisbane Lions

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IF ...

the Dockers in Perth weren't a problem in round 10 ...

THEN ...

no reason to be fearful of the Blues at the MCG in round 11. Craig McRae up against his great mate Vossy is just one of many compelling storylines in this match-up. Hoping 85,000 are there to see it. 

Craig McRae and Michael Voss celebrate after Brisbane won the 2001 AFL Grand Final over Essendon. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

Bombers players didn't fly the flag in round nine against Sydney and then went out of their way to do so in round 10 against Richmond ...

THEN ...

it was still the same old, same old result: a loss. There's no easy way out of this mess.

IF ...

I was running the AFL Tribunal this week ...

THEN ...

I would've banned Sam Switkowski for four weeks, not two, for his chicken wing tackle on Jack Ginnivan.

00:30 Mins
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Is Switkowski in MRO strife for this tackle on Ginnivan?

Sam Switkowski's tackle on Jack Ginnivan in the fourth quarter raises eyebrows from the commentators

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IF ...

since round four it has been win (Lions), loss (Hawks), win (Roos), loss (Dockers), win (Giants), loss (Saints), win (Power) ...

THEN ...

the trend will be bucked this weekend with a second consecutive win, against the Crows at the Cattery. They'll be back in a prelim final again, the Cats.

IF ...

round 10 against Western Bulldogs was another opportunity missed ...

THEN ...

no room for error versus Hawthorn on Saturday night. Roos and Crows immediately follow, and matches against Essendon and West Coast still to come. They're a finals chance, the Suns. But they've got to start winning this type of game, and particularly so given the Hawks have no recognised ruck.

IF ...

the Giants looked good last week with a revamped attitude, gameplan and positional strategy ...

THEN ...

let's hold fire on hailing it a success. It's one thing to look OK against the West Coast Witches Hats, really keen to see how it all holds up against the Lions at the Gabba.

IF ...

Max Lynch has had to deal with concussion and COVID protocols, a bee sting, food poisoning and then another concussion incident all inside 10 rounds ...

THEN ...

that's some sort of start to his career at his second club. 

IF ...

Tomlinson and Weideman are still being forced to accept life among the emergencies ...

THEN ...

that's all that needs to be said about this club's depth. And Langdon's a big out, but Viney is a big in for Saturday's match against Fremantle.

Ed Langdon and Adam Tomlinson before the R7 clash between Melbourne and Hawthorn on April 30, 2022. Picture: AFL Photos

IF ...

you're familiar with my thoughts on this club ...

THEN ...

you'll know I'm not one bit surprised how it has slumped to the lows of the pre-Ron Barassi days. You could see this slow trainwreck approaching from miles away. And it would've been preferable for Ben Buckley and Glenn Archer to at least hang around to see through whatever vision they had when they started their supposedly necessary blow-the-club-up project in 2019.

04:34 Mins
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Footy Feed: Roos face the music, Voss avoids 'F-word', Lion out

Nat Edwards and Sarah Olle with all the latest news

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IF ...

Charlie is back ...

THEN ...

here we go. The Power will have a fighting chance from here, with Dixon on Sunday back in the goalsquare for his first game of 2022. 

IF ...

Dusty will be in the yellow and black on Friday night at the SCG ...

THEN ...

he might be in the red and white the next time he plays at the venue. Dusty v Buddy in round 11, 2022. Not beyond the realms the two will be teammates in round one next year. 

Dustin Martin at Richmond training in Sydney on May 26, 2022. Picture: Phil Hillyard

IF ...

Max King last week jagged a bag of six and has also kicked four on three occasions this season ...

THEN ...

a Marvel Stadium home game against the hapless North Melbourne presents as a fill-up for him in his Coleman Medal chances.

01:56 Mins
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King slays Crows in scary six-goal massacre

Max King was the difference in the Saints' impressive win on the road, notching six straight goals in a phenomenal performance

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IF ...

five of the six wins have come against teams currently residing in the bottom three rungs on the ladder, as well as those in 14th and 13th, and two of the four losses have been against teams also not in the top eight ...

THEN ...

there are lot of question marks about the Swans. But I still like what they're doing. And they will beat Richmond at the SCG on Friday night. 

IF ...

the Eagles had, rightly, copped most of the mass negative media to this point of the season ...

THEN ...

it would have been understandable if there were regular utterings inside club headquarters this week of 'thank god for North Melbourne'.

IF ...

Bevo thought he was being clever and cryptic and mysterious in his 'I've got to be really careful here' comments about the treatment by Sun Sam Collins of his key forward Aaron Naughton ...

THEN ...

all he actually achieved was creating a competition-wide focus on a potential blueprint on how to stop Naughton. The subsequent forensic analysis of the Collins-Naughton second-half battle revealed a fantastic, within-rules method to stop one of the most dangerous players in the game.

03:00 Mins
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Key Dog restricted by persistent Sun

Matthew Lloyd and Damian Barrett examine Aaron Naughton's battle with Sam Collins on Access All Areas

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AND THIS ONE'S FOR THE AFL

IF ...

all rules will be reviewed, as always, at season's end ...

THEN ...

I hope the 6-6-6, the dissent and the stand-on-mark rules stay, and that the ruck nomination rule goes. Unnecessarily slowing down the game.